Published on 12, July, 2020
A couple of years ago I had put on weight to over 20 stone and was too reliant on food and drink to escape from life and the feelings of panic and hopelessness. I've managed over the past two years (because of a wake up call from someone close to me) to lose 5 1/2 stone and finally got assessed for Autism (not to keep you in suspense - I have Autism *gasp*!)
I'm a stranger to you so my life story isn't that enthralling I know but a bit of background is important as I want to ask for some help / opinions / stories from the community here.
My main mental health issue is quite extreme anxiety. If things change (anything from new furniture, minor faults in the house up to moving house) I have 6/7 hour long stretches of stomach pain, panic attacks, catastrophising - the usual stuff. It makes me want to retreat back to where I was before, as that was safe at least - if miserable for me and others.
I've tried a lot of stuff to help and it all does a bit (exercise seems to work the best), but I suppose I want to know if anyone had managed to reduce this kind of mindset to a much smaller part of their lives so they could do the things they want to. I feel like the alarm and panic, it's always there in my mind waiting to hurt me, for me to have any doubt - so it can get in there and wrench my insides. It stops me doing stuff, and I'm so tired of it's weight in my life.
Reading this back I think it's more of a post putting a hard few days into words so feel free to ignore or just read if your interested. I hope you are all doing well today and have some happy moments.
Eyes said:I want to know if anyone had managed to reduce this kind of mindset to a much smaller part of their lives so they could do the things they want to.
Mindfulness was the game changer for me.
It allowed me to slip into a bit of a Mr Spock mindframe for a while to hold up whatever issue was causing me grief and examine it in a logical, dispassionate way and reach a conclusion about it quickly - then I switch back to plain old me and trust my conclusions and act on them., whether by stopping thinking about all the "what if's" or by accepting the change as "it just is" and moving on with what I do have control over.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/mindfulness
It takes practice but it allowed me to live a pretty normal working life and was a benefit in a lot of other situations as well.
If you consider this approach then spending an hour or two with a therapist is helpful to let you set your mindset to be able to tap into the analysis state of mind.
My issue with analysis to reduce anxiety is that I am very good at identifying risk and so this approach, alongside most systems, doesn't work. I see problems I analyse a situation and I can see how events and human nature can lead to pain.
I'm sorry to be a downer on your suggestion Iain, I do appreciate it. I wish I was different but my talent seems to be to see the worst in any situation.
Eyes said:I am very good at identifying risk
Then have you tried risk management techniques as used in project management?
Once you identify the risks then you have 3 possible responses to each:
Accept - if the chance is very low and/or the risk is minor then accept it may happen and you will work out what to do at the time.
Mitigate - actively plan something that will neutralise the risk. Eg if you fear coming in contact with a dog on the way to the office then avoid this by driving there so there are layers of metal between you and any potential dog..
Avoid - avoid the situation where the risk exists - eg for the dog scenario, just work from home that day.
This in conjunction with mindfulness will give you a quick and very effective method to deal with all the "what if" situations.
Eyes said:I wish I was different but my talent seems to be to see the worst in any situation.
Therapy is the way to change this. You changed to become this person so you can equally change to become something different if you work at it with the appropriate help.
You were different before this so why can you not be different after it? Change is possible if you are willing to work for it.
Thanks Iain, I appreciate your help. I will go away and have a think on all this.
Eyes said:I think I could keep arguing against your advice to the point of pointlessness
That is a common autistic resistance to change response - you have to want to change for it to happen so if you don't actually want it then accept it and that is fine.
If you do want to change, it won't be easy but we are here to help you along that journey. Expect stumbles and frustrations from time to time but if you wrtite yourself a letter clearly laying out your situation and why you want to change then in a years time you can read it back to yourself and see what you have achieved.
It can be powerful stuff.
I think I could keep arguing against your advice to the point of pointlessness so perhaps best I try and attempt this. Thanks for your patience, I appreciate your help!