Do you ever cry?

i find it hard to do so.
i was feeling pretty depressed and felt i needed to cry to let it out a few weeks back but i found i couldnt cry no matter how bad i felt so it was hard to relieve that feeling.

update on this... finally cry lol alot. like a pent up burst balloon.

and all because my supervisor is seemingly finally getting what he wants as he suspended me from work and is again trying to get me fired. hes been trying to fire me for the past 1 and a half years but now im sent home suspended until investigation ends. i guess i have been depressed by these attacks by my supervisor against me for the past year and that has made me depressed to the point of inability to cry, but the suspension and being sent home and feeling like im fired perhaps is a release. maybe its good to be fired from that place then. fucking aweful place to work for. managers and supervisors all related to one another and they make it really hard if they want you gone. and they only wanted me gone as i leave after my 8 hours each day, i used to do overtime for them but they was really ungreatful and abusive and youd do 16 hours a day and theyd shout in your face and tell you to do a 17th and say you cant leave or they will fire you. i complained against that a year and a half ago and tried to force change the company, but hes been attacking me all the time and making life hell while holding me back and promoting juniors above me. constantly nit picking trying to find anything to throw at me and get me fired, even ridiculously claimed i was discriminating against him! 

anyways being suspended and at home seems to have released the tear ducts from whatever was preventing a release.

update on this... finally cry lol alot. like a pent up burst balloon.

and all because my supervisor is seemingly finally getting what he wants as he suspended me from work and is again trying to get me fired. hes been trying to fire me for the past 1 and a half years but now im sent home suspended until investigation ends. i guess i have been depressed by these attacks by my supervisor against me for the past year and that has made me depressed to the point of inability to cry, but the suspension and being sent home and feeling like im fired perhaps is a release. maybe its good to be fired from that place then. fucking aweful place to work for. managers and supervisors all related to one another and they make it really hard if they want you gone. and they only wanted me gone as i leave after my 8 hours each day, i used to do overtime for them but they was really ungreatful and abusive and youd do 16 hours a day and theyd shout in your face and tell you to do a 17th and say you cant leave or they will fire you. i complained against that a year and a half ago and tried to force change the company, but hes been attacking me all the time and making life hell while holding me back and promoting juniors above me. constantly nit picking trying to find anything to throw at me and get me fired, even ridiculously claimed i was discriminating against him! 

anyways being suspended and at home seems to have released the tear ducts from whatever was preventing a release.

yeah its when they dont take your first answer, then your second answer, then ask what your answer means and keep pressing with it when you really likely either dont know how you feel dont want to think of how you feel or just dont want to tell them how you feel i guess.

It’s that freaking question.. ‘asking how someone is?’.. I don’t know what it is about that particular question, it is the bane of holding one’s breath, whether you’re a cornered adult or a lost-child holding it together, that question slays them all..

i dunno, probably that i have some issue maybe.
i was called into office today for a investigation into the stuff at work as i also made counter claims and said other stuff which prompted red flags for them then they pretty much pushed me into asking how i am and i kinda broke down crying unable to even answer or provide reason why or a answer on how i feel, totally uncool. but i dunno probs something wrong, they organising counselling or whatever after that lol i suppose thats one way to get things looked into and people to realise the nhs neglected my mental health cases.

So considering that you had this release of pent-up stress and low-mood, in the form of the usage of your ocular-overflows, how do you feel now and have you learned anything about yourself..?

In terms of having been referred for a diagnosis ~ you have therefore what is considered to be a preliminary diagnosis that stands until otherwise proven, which of course does not provide anywhere near as much protection legally as actually having been diagnosed, but the quality act 2010 does as such have more bearing in difficult situations such as like the one you have described.

Of course it is entirely up to you about whether or not to inform your employer about having been referred for an autism diagnosis, but it could prevent a discriminatory sacking and give you the opportunity to find much more amenable employment ~ without being unemployed in the meantime and missing mortgage repayments and all that possibly.

i already spoke to his boss about this ages ago and went to him with my concerns. at that time he said he wont let him fire me and all of this is in my head and just my opinion.... so hopefully it goes to him and he sees it and he steps in and realises i was right then fires that guy instead... but even then it will still be a issue because that guy isnt the only problem he has his entire family in management positions and they will all still carry on probably wanting to go harder to avenge him being fired if my counter argument succeeds.

last time we had a fight i actually got the guys girlfriend fired because i proved he hired her unfairly and promoted her in her first week when she didnt know anything then let her be off with full pay all through winter. so its been a long back and forth fight with him, and i have had victories while defending against him. but he never stops.

Caelus said:

that guy will just be pursuing getting me fired. and have the weight of all the dodgy related higher up staff with him.

This was why I eas suggesting gathering incriminatin evidence if you can. Forward emails to your personal email if they are relevant to harassment, start recording calls and see if you can get them to say something incriminating.

When you have your disciplinary meetings then take an independent advisor with you (union rep?) so they don't try any dodgey stuff or deny you your rights. If you struggle under pressure then consider a lawyer (I think they may need to pay)

I had this experience about a decade back and the fact I kept lots of incriminating evidence tuned it from what they thought was a slam dunk firing into a very large payout, so it is possible..

not diagnosed yet as my gp left my refferal on their table for 3 years before i asked about it and asked why they havent sent it, they claimed they sent it but i doubt they did as still nothing. plus changed areas and gp now so process interrupted.

its a suspension so they can still find him in the wrong and bring me back, or they can still bring me back and just give me a disciplinary off it maybe. but that guy will just be pursuing getting me fired. and have the weight of all the dodgy related higher up staff with him.

its kinda bad as i have a mortgage now and im likely unemployable anyway and getting this job was a total one off lucky fluke.

Caelus said:

all because my supervisor is seemingly finally getting what he wants as he suspended me from work and is again trying to get me fired. h

Sorry to hear you are going through this Caelus, but it sounds like it may lead to a happier future on the other side.

Did you disclose your autism diagnisis? Is fo then yu may have some ammunition towards a wrongful dismissal claim.

For now gather as much physical evidence as you can to demonstrate wrongdoing and/or harassment while you still have emaill access. Remember to keep this at home on your personal devices.

Embrace the emotion and let it run its course. It can feel much better after a release such as this.

was such a aweful day yesterday too, constantly attacked none stop before the suspension. by multiple people as i said all in the office are all related to one another so when they go in they all come at you.

manager tried to change my times to be through midnight and i rejected it and he said give me a reason not to in a bullying intimidation attempt way and had this other supervisors brute bully brother as his back up.