Published on 12, July, 2020
I am a middle-aged male and have recently learnt that it is highly likely I am autistic and have ADHD (my children were both diagnosed a few years ago and my wife increasingly saw that I had many traits). I have a long wait ahead for a formal diagnosis but it makes a lot of sense of the struggles I feel I have had my whole life. I have struggled with intense sexual desire for my wife ever since I first got to know her. I am very intense and obsessional about her, I suppose you could say. I have never had another relationship and we married when I was a teenager. The problem is that I am frustrated all the time and feel ashamed that I can't switch my imagination off. I think it's possibly the case that I seriously misjudged/misread how sexually interested she was in me during our brief courtship. We're hardly ever intimate and it has always felt that way to me. She has recently said that this aspect of the relationship is something she could take or leave. Where as I am desperate to feel the intimacy of someone enjoying regular sexual closeness.
I do not want a divorce. We are both Christians and raising two adopted children who need a lot of support. Even if my faith and the needs of the children were not factors, I don't think I could love anyone else any way. Porn and extra-marital sex are not options I will consider. I've felt so embarrassed and ashamed of myself for nearly thirty years now, but when I accepted that I might be autistic I started wondering if my sexual desire was in some way affected/related. That's when I came across the more recent clinical [link removed by moderation team] into hypersexuality and increased prevalence in autistic males. In the USA there is medical treatment to reduce libido but I can't find anything about that here in the UK. My new GP seemed a bit freaked out when I blurted all this out recently. I think where I am at is that I would rather lose this part of myself than lose my family.
Has anyone here had similar struggles or experience of extreme sexual frustration / unwanted libido / hypersexuality? What has helped? Are you aware of any treatment possibilities?
Is there already an option to get a VR and creat any person you want (in your case your wife as you mentioned) to be your sexual partner?. If yes, then maybe some of that could help??
Talking about myself, I won't be able to have sex with the most beautiful human on earth if the relationship between us isn't intimate emotionally first before physically or if our romantic relationship is suffering in a way or if there are grudges held or some sort of issue or emotional pain they caused me. Are you sure that this is not the case?. Maybe the relationship itself requires work and the sexual part will come as a side effect and not the other way around