How to cope when there is so much uncertainty plus a lot of change coming up and you have no energy anymore.

Hi Ann,

Glad you're in your new place and that you like it. That's great you connected with your aunt, and that she could give some guidance, and thank you for sharing it with us.

Do focus on resting. Putting yourself first is the most important thing you can do.

I'm glad to hear you sounding a bit better and that the new flat is good.

I think your aunt is talking a lot of sense, but it's definitely hard to relinquish that feeling of control. This is something I struggle with a lot myself.

Someone on this forum suggested Luke Beardon's books to me the other day. I haven't had a chance to read any yet, but I saw he has one specifically on autism and anxiety that might be worth a look, although obviously I can't vouch for the content without having read it.

Hi :) Thanks so much to everyone. Most of my belongings are now in the new flat which is actually amazing! I hadn't realised how oppressive my old place was (it was pretty mouldy, old and though I cleaned for ages when I moved in it wasn't really possible to fully get clean). Things are still super difficult and it is so sad- I didn't carry anything except 1 or 2 carrier bags but even just the slight exertion has made my joints hurt and I am so weak the stairs are a challenge.... but hopefully I can somehow try to move forward now. 

I talked to my aunt today for the first time in ages (I don't think I've ever phoned)- She recently changed her life a lot, moving abroad, giving up her job etc. and talking to her was very good. She said she feels so much better once she has accepted that things tend to just unfold the way they do- we can do our best and make decisions but ultimately things will unfold. I like this idea, I know I'm not there yet. I have the tendency to want to think that I have some control over things and what happens, but that can cause a lot of pressure and also guilt especially when things don't work out. She also suggested some meditations for me and will send me some links and she recommended a book called "The four agreements". She also urged me to take a break and just fully focus on resting. To try and forget about the future and ground myself. She said that our minds and thoughts can't control or affect the outcome of things anyways. I thought I would share this in case it is useful to anyone else. I only ever saw my aunt at family dinners out years ago and never phoned her, but I am glad we talked (she offered it after we exchanged a few text messages). 

I feel so lucky that I am getting so much support and advice from all of you and now also from my aunt. It makes me feel less alone and there are things that I can try to manage my anxiety and panic attacks. Hopefully things will workout- I guess my aunt is right though, worrying about all this stuff won't do anything except harm me. I do know this anyways but the questions is: How do I switch off my hyperactive brain from going down all kinds of avenues and hypothetical scenarios.... 

.....club name.....there was "The Breakfast Club".......so we could be the "Phucked Up Club" ?  Just an idea?!

I’m so sorry to hear you’re still struggling, I was wondering how you were getting on. That doesn’t sound like a restful break at all. Is the flat move at least for a positive reason? So that you can tell yourself if you get through it, things will be better.

Re: food: can you eat soup? Even packet soup? My Mum basically lived on it when she was having chemotherapy and couldn’t eat much.

I’m sorry I can’t offer more practical help. Please do PM me if you want to. I know it’s not much, but I have experience with burnout, anxiety and depression and am good at listening (well, reading, but you know what I mean).

And everything seems so interconnected that it feels impossible to seperate.

We are here for the bumps and hurdles. 

I find, though it's so difficult to admit, that when things get too much and seem so complicated, I just want someone to tell me what to do next, because my brain is in panic mode and nothing makes sense. 

I think a club name would be great!

Thanks, yes I have kept swimming for years now.... well at this point I'm more like semi-submerged and only just managing not to sink permanently... It's so hard to motivate myself to keep going when I don't believe anymore that it can get better.... 

I can relate to the constant thinking- i have wished more than once that there was an off switch for my brain.... 

I really do think we could make a club- not sure what we would call it... I'm not good with coming up with creative names....  

Hi, thanks I like that idea, though it's a bit hard to put into practice as if my wish/plan (it's a PhD position I really want to take but I might not be able to now due to a fee status issue) works out, I'll have to move again in about 2 months.... But I really like the idea, especially if it does work out I think that needs to be a new chapter, with a reset button....  I will try to break things down, it's so hard at the moment, I just seem incapable of dealing even with the smallest bump.... and there are a lot of big hurdles going on at the moment .... 

I just thought...

You're moving very soon, and big change and upheaval aside, could you perhaps try to think of it as a new chapter?

Tell yourself something like "this is a new chapter in my life, and though things will be tough, I can do this, one step at a time!"

I know it's not a magic wand, but perhaps it can help to ground you in those panic moments.

And maybe we can help you break down other things into bite size pieces? 

Ann.  I just "keep swimming".  Whatever you can do to get incrementally closer to something/anything vaguely resembling progress should be considered a win.

The slightest deviation from anticipated options feels like 913,674 metrics have changed and EVERYTHING needs to be rethought from every conceivable angle.

Exhausting.  Phantom (but very real) physical manifestations abound.

I'll join the club. 

Oh that's so kind of you! Thanks

I think I feel like I've been put on spin cycle. I say "I think" because I'm not sure of what I'm sure of anymore. 

You are not pointless! 

I need a rocket planted firmly and deeply.  The frustration and self hatred can become overwhelm.  That is where I am.  Not burnt out, just broadly pointless.

Number, you made me smile, thank you.

Hi Ann,

I so want to help, that all sounds more than anyone could bear. I really don't like hugs but I wish I could give you one right now.

I think you me and Pikl should start a club.