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I feel really sad today

PinkPomPom

I find it really hard to control my emotions, especially when I’m feeling sad. Today I’ve woken up and I feel really sad, I’m trying not to cry as I find it hard to stop when I start. 

I’m finding it really overwhelming dealing with and coming to terms with the thought that I could be autistic (awaiting assessment), and I’m struggling in my relationship. I don’t know if I’m happy in my relationship. I do love my boyfriend and we have children together but I just don’t know if this is what I want and I don’t know how to try and understand if the relationship needs to end or not. I just don’t know what’s normal and what isn’t normal and I have no friends to ask. 

I’m feeling so lost today. Sorry to write this post but I was hoping getting it out may help.

  • Hang in there, it WILL get better.

    I spent two hours driving home, from a seaside retreat cottage, to my home; with temperatures barely above freezing. The drive was loaded with non-stop pressure. However, I survived.

    We need to believe in ourselves.

  • I'm so sorry you're feeling this was this morning. It can happen sadly but these feelings will pass and hopefully your day will get better. Never apologise, feel free to vent whenever you need and want to. We're all here by your side.

    I hope your day gets better xx

  • Hello Anon16, I fully understand how you are feeling, it was 14 months ago that the ‘A bomb’ dropped on me. Emotions are still a rollercoaster, I have thoughts of being a bad parent, husband and generally a sh*t  person. Autism is a huge thing to come to terms with. Don’t throw a relationship away, it has come into my mind a lot, am I causing damage to the people around me? No they are on this journey with me,  we are trying to process it all and our  families are doing their best as well. I have days when I can’t get out of bed, eventually I get up and dress, Have a quiet day for your needs and be kind to yourself, you are worth it. We have had a lifetime of just being lost and hating ourselves, the waiting for assessment is really hard but you will come out the other side, yes there is no support, it’s being able to talk with people on this site that keeps me going on days when I have very dark thoughts. You will eventually workout who you are and hopefully smile again, just take it all at your own pace. You aren’t broken, your just different. Hope you’re feeling better soon.

  • I'm finding it really overwelming dealing with and coming to terms with being autistic.

    I haven't known for 50 years what and how I am, but I fabricated myself a life to cope with the realities as I perceived them.

    7 years ago the wheels came off my train.  Everyone bore with me........I rather pissed away 7 years in a self indulgent and mindless search for why the really peculiar aspects of my behaviours and thoughts happened, over, and over again - normally ending in mild financial catastrophe.

    Knowing I'm autistic doesn't help in two important respects to my mental wellbeing;

    Firstly,  It doesn't help with the guilt of how my actions and behaviours have catastrophised the lives of others.

    Secondly, It doesn't help you establish how you should move forward from any given point in time.

    I know my life is about the blow up again - no idea which direction I will be propelled or if I will remain in one piece this time.

    Thank you to everyone here - Anon16 and myself are blessed you are here.