feeling just utterly lost and hopeless

thanks, ive just taken 2 promethazine and gone go bed, occupied myself on a game in a crap second hand laptop i bought a week ago

gonna stick an audiobook on from my phone 

arg gotta phone for repeat script monday

i'll be ok

Sorry you've felt like this. Venting is good. It helps.

Glad your feeling a bit better.

you needed it

thanks all, i think im better just trying to distract myself to be honest

probably confusing i know, i do it all the time, let out problems etc, realise talking about it actually makes me worse, because it sets my mind into like, just an inward focus, makes me think of more and more things.then say i don't want to talk qbout things, confusing bugger i am,

not because of anybody who responded 

apologies for the mess about

no worries  deadsponge, you didn't offend me, and I read it now anyway, back from work, and it wasn't anything overly excesive anyway, I've seen worse on this forum, and I get it, I felt like that many times, walking in a new channel la manche to my neighbour below, shouting and swearing like a shoemaker at 4am

I Sperg is right, maybe we can solve your conundrum

and sleep is elusive and fickle ***, I do not like her at all

Hey! We are a group of Autists.

Maybe we could work your FRIENDS problems here? Autists are good at dispassionate problem solving...

And we have got some really bright and helpful minds here...

arrrg, sleep not happening, too much crap, going to use this as a rant space, i dunno, no im going to shut up and piss off, thats what im going to do

again, sorry all, am home now, had some outbursts in the street on journey home

a random person spoke to me and didn't ask for anything, which was nice, if, "confusing"?

and am just going to take meds and try to go to bed, so am safe. apologies if i was being horrible to anybody or just generally difficult, i didnt mean to be.

im sorry, im being a huge tosser right now, angry at everything, hate people, always want something of me, not once have i begged or asked for anything from people, even homeless, and, i dunno

its not even myself im bothered about,but my friend, im sod all, i only want her to be ok. sorry.

well, tbh, me and churches/religion are a no go

every time j see a street Preacher and they megaphone, i kick off, partly overwhelm, partly cos justine was pagan, gad a Christian funeral, and most thr service eas about poxy jesus not her. sorry, trauma didn't stop with just her passing

mate, ive nobody in "real world" all proved arg, burnt bridges anyway, and have trust problems and many more, and im also sick of popping into shops for a chat like an o.a.p and feeling im overstayong my welcome alll the time

sorry dont mean to be a toaser, your trying to help i know. sorry

you could use someone in real world to spill out your beans now and then, temporary meassure, but one that allows you to function and to something forward

I worry all the time, that I end up homeless, everytime I lose a job 6months cooldown starts ticking, that's how much rent upront I pay

we all struggle with finiding purpose in life, especially when we end up alone,

and it's next to impossible to do it alone these days, for everyone, not just autistic.

2 days ago I found https://autcollab.org/ and I'm going to help in translation into polish,

do something what you can, while you continue the struggle for survival

Sorry to hear of the waiting. It is so hard when you get no contact. Are there an local churches that have somewhere you can drop in to meet people or even people who can help? Sorry can't be more specific as projects are different in each area.

Or ring the Samaritans if you need someone to talk to now.

thank you for replying, i didnt expect any at all tbh

i have a tenancy support worker and care co ordinator,but everythings just so slow going

im currently just drinking beside camden lock by myself, no idea why, should go back home, but i dunno, dont see the point in honesty, know i shouldnt drink too, just felt empty earlier, i dunno

ive recently applied as a warehoyse volunteer at the local bhf electrical/furniture shop, but, eh, not optimistic as usual, 

ive tried being pro active, i really have, self referred to mind, nothing back, said theyd call to update on referal twice, didnt.

seems no matter what i do, nothing ever comes of it, struggling right now to be honest, trying to pay towards sevice charges ever payday, no money,

spending money to get out of the place im stuck at i dunno.

Sorry to hear you are having a difficult time. 

I am not sure whether your housing is via a homeless charity or a local Council. If so either may be able to guide you to a local organization who could give you some support with things you need to do. 

Also sometimes there are local charities where you might be able to volunteer with a small group and get to know others, as well as give a feeling of self worth.