Published on 12, July, 2020
Like most people with AS, growing up without friends is something we all know and understand. I think that’s why we value any type of friendships we have.
Lately, a friend has become very distant. And I’ve tired to talk to him about it and see what’s happening and he won’t tell me, he’ll ignore the questions. it’s triggered my depression a lot. He’s basically my only friend and I can’t go through losing another friend.
im scared. Because when it happens I know it’s going to be the worst breakdown of my life. He’s such a good friend but he’s changed alot. I feel like I’ve already lost him.
I look at pictures of us from a year ago and I feel like he died. I actually feel like he’s dead and never coming back.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried making new friends and it just never works out for me.
Its really difficult, but other people do not always tell us what is happening to them, why they they are distant, or indeed if we have done something. We also aren't always aware if we might have been driving someone away not realised, and feedback might help us get better at getting it right, and help and support might also, but other people might not want to.
Losing people from our lives is not just painful in terms of loss but also usually means we are alone and isolated (even with family or others around). You have not choice usually but to adjust to this and it takes time, so just go with that and manage yourself through it as best you can. Have faith in yourself that you have coped alone before and will cope again. We are here, many here know how it is.
Be hopeful, explore ways you could make new friends, rather than writing off any possible chance in the future, its not worth predicting the future, better to try and shape your future by trying things and changing things.
Hi
We don’t know what your friendship was like, or what has changed recently. All I wanted to say was, try not to think that you did anything wrong, and secondly, know that friendships, like relationships are not always meant to be forever. Some things come to end of their life naturally, and no one is to blame.
I know it isn’t easy, as I’ve experienced it a few times over my 49 years. But I would try not to dwell on it, and try to keep yourself busy. You never know, your friend might just need a break….
You might have to gird your loins if its a NT Mark. It might be that our few close friends when NT are literally are unable to understand what it was about us when it comes to the disorientation to the friendship that tends to take place over a long period. It may not be the same for you, but in my case the loss was actually very gradual & i didn't see it happening. We might say to ourselves that they might have been more considerate toward our neurological plight. My friends didn't know of any particular struggle in order to give empathy to it, whilst i struggled pre diagnosis they just saw it as complications not to be nosey about. Mine could have been a bit more curious perhaps, but thats splitting hairs. Long friendships go on a vibe i think. Our friends just don't know whats spoiling that sense of wonderment. But there might come a time when some illusions shatter. It could be true to say that deep inside friendship powers itself on illusions we allow to give things the feel good factor with friendships. If so. mine lost the factor & it wasn't a quick decision by my friends that it didn't appeal anymore. For that matter friendship is kind of an emotional attachment outside of our conscious senses. Therefore if something happens to that emotion its also outside of the control of that person. The only thing i know that can help is space. But also taking care to avoid anything that might be the long term disillusionment. I cry a lot for long lost friends where i did not come to these conclusions anything like in time - not even close.
Perhaps none of this applies in your instance. Good luck i hope something works out for the best.