Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I was talking to a lovely member yesterday about anxiety and I realised that I literally have no coping tactics for my anxiety and it's getting worse. I'm not sure how it is for everyone else, but for me it is terrible. Feel drained when I'm anxious, I'm tired all the time. I get the shakes in my hands. Upset stomach. Feel sick. And I become so jumpy and on edge. Like if the doorbell rings I become so scared and panicky that I have a panic attack, it's that bad. If I go out I'm the exact same and if I see more than one person the exact same thing happens. I have passed out before which makes it so much worse and embarrassing for me. I hardly go out now, if I do I avoid really busy places but I don't like to be alone either in case I'm attacked by someone. I have my dog who is also my best friend but she's not very protective so doesn't help this. I'm on edge and anxious now just writing this so I'm going to stop now. It's getting worse and I don't know what to do to make it better. There's always the doctor but that thought makes the anxiety even worse. I could call my old hospital but I don't know if they'll help me with anxiety and also talking on the phone is a trigger for me.
I'd be really interested to know what you do to cope with your anxiety, if you struggle with it as well.
Honestly, keep yourself distracted. Anxiety and stress are two ideas that will never fully go away. They'll always hover over you, sometimes heavily sometimes more subtly. The worst is when you have too much free time and allow your mind to wander off into fucked up areas.
Personally, I like to go to the gym to release stress, listen to my favorite albums, pick up the guitar, or go around the city with my camera. And also, for some reason, caffeine somehow subdues my anxiety levels.
Also, a couple hits off a joint can't omegle.2yu.co hurt.
That's really well put. I really identify with the 'never goes away' dimension, and the mind choosing times of rest to double down on the awfulness. I'd say that for me, anxiety is on a good day present as constant background radiation, and on a bad one I'm just completely composed of it - it consumes me. Sleep is the only true release, and maybe the blissful 30 seconds or so when regaining consciousness - before the first thought kicks in and starts the ball rolling again. The recent ASD diagnosis has helped a lot with understanding why techniques that others find very beneficial (meditation, medication, throwing themselves into an activity)more typically only take the edge off a bit for me. I became entirely resistant to Sertraline, Venlaxafine etc. within months/weeks of starting them, and I now realise that autistic people don't feel the benefits in the same way. All I was left with were awful side effects (weight gain, restless limbs, insomnia), so I came off them. I recently asked my GP's permission to get 28 diazepam every 6 months and ration them to avoid addiction. They help a little bit, I think, but not as much as they would an NT with anxiety of the more regular kind.
I'm tortured with rumination over events that most people seemingly would (horrifically in my opinion - I'm not sure I'd ever trade my suffering for their eventual, or sooner, coldness/indifference) get over after a briefer spell. I honestly think I'll spend the rest of my life striving for some sort of radical acceptance about deep hurt and confusion about some stuff - the iron price for briefer, more miraculously happy times. I wouldn't change those for the world so I know I shouldn't complain. It's just very hard to walk this path alone, without closure or the likelihood of ever mending bridges. Life is just very hard most of the time now. Managing anxiety can sometimes be about getting through the next five minutes, then the next.
It's weird - for the briefest of moments about three years ago, I was helped enormously by Tolle's The Power of Now. It's still worth re-visting that (audio)book time and time again (I may need to do so very soon to stay sane), but it's almost like the universe played a bit of a cosmic joke on me. It let me have that brief peace, even let some profoundly wonderful situations enter my life through the different energy it gave me. Then things went off the rails in ways I still can't even fully understand - and the punchline seemed to be 'OK, now try embracing the 'suchness' of *this* eternal moment and see how you get on - byeee'. And, like an addict trying to get back that first hit, my subsequent attempts to re-access that state of grace have had much less effectiveness. Still just enough, on a good day, to be worthwhile, but - again- only taking the edge off the existential horror and unrelenting despair of not being designed to ever fit in.
And yet, would I trade in my neurodivergent brain for a more normal one? I don't think so. The inevitable suffering is unbearable at times, but to gain a calmer default state but lose my ability to stand obliquely to things and sometimes know with lonely certainty that I'm part of a sane minority in a population otherwise designed to be unconcsiously insane, who contradict themselves blindly at every turn, and run breakneck in pusuit of societal box-ticks that are based on fitting in, not true individualism? No thanks, I'll take the unending pain instead.
I know all I've done is vent rather than offer something positive. Sorry! Though maybe do try that book if you haven't already - it's got some important insights about how to cope with existence that certainly can't hurt to know.
Thank Shardovan - I will get the book you mention. I would be incredibly grateful for even the briefest respite from my anxiety at this point, as I’m finding it so hard to cope with. I’m really struggling to cope at the moment. I’m sorry you’ve experienced so much pain from this too. It’s so hard. Solidarity my friend.