Advice on relationships with someone with autism

Thank you dawn xx 

Thank you Rosie that helps a lot xx 

I hope you can get the support you need for your own issues, from your partner and from other people in your life.  Reaching out can be hard especially when you are seen as the strong one,  I wrote down all my supports on a piece of paper (people’s names and things like music, nature, Samaritans) and it helps to look at that list when I don’t know where to turn for support..  Don’t know much about autism but thought this might help x

Ah, if you have it in the family, you know what to do. Take care of your own needs and it will work out x

Oh yeah I love him to death, and I always knew he had autism, my brother has it and I did mention that to him, he did say that everything makes sense now, but I guess like with everyone else in the world we all have issues and sometimes it just takes a toll on… thanks for your advice I really appreciate it xx 

Thank you, and I understand, I barely have time for myself, and I live away from my family hence why I feel so alone, but will defo say what I want wether it be a hug or a convo, he’s great at expressing himself over text, even if he’s upstairs and downstairs and that seems to help him

Your partner is recently diagnosed. Me too. Depending on the circumstances which led to the diagnosis, this may take some time. Your partner has some journey to go yet. But it will get better. The more we understand ourselves, the better we understand those around us.

The question is do you love him and do you want to stick with it. The other responders are right. You need to balance your needs with your partner's for number one. Make time for you.

For number two, there can be a point where your partner can attend to your needs also. Just because we're autistic and can't always read what we are supposed to do for those we love, does not mean that we do not love with as much passion or do not want to respond. You'd both need to be prepared to negotiate a means of communicating need and catering to that. Some of us do well when need is explicitly verbally expressed, but only the two of you will know how to work that out.

I hope in the end you will be lucky to have eachother x

My partner has autism- though undiagnosed. I understand completely. 

Firstly i think you should make sure you have some you time, time when you see friends and family etc on your own. It doesnt mean you are a bad partner, it is just what you need and believe me he probably needs it too. Its fine and its totally normal.

Secondly, you have to think what you want from him in regards to your problems. If I am feeling emotional, a good hug from him helps. He is also exceptionally good at seeing things how they truly are, without the cloud of emotion that I have sometimes. So he is great at figuring out what to do in the cold light of day, as it were. It also has made me good at figuring out my emotions myself. If we can learn from our partners that is surely a great thing.

Losing sanity? yes. But that is true of any relationship. Your partner can help but in a surprisingly new way. Try asking him for help by asking what he would do. My partner likes to say 'forget about it' and while at first that seems unhelpful it is actually really good advice. I promise. Try saying it. 'Forget about it'. It works. 

Remember,  a short breather from each other is good. Take time to look after yourself as well as looking after him.

Thanks for your advice, I’ll be sure to take it on board 

then you need to lay down some ground rules for when you share things. eg

A) if you just want him to listen that's all he has to do. Tell him so.

B) if there is something he can actually do to help you feel better tell him so don't ask him to guess. eg if you want a cuddle.

Thanks for messaging Peter, I can’t talk to him because he doesn’t know what to say or do and it stresses him out, and that’s the last thing I want to do

why can't you talk to him about your issues? There's nothing intrinsic to autism that stops us caring about other peoples problems?