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Depression?

Ladybird
over 3 years ago

I’ve got some questions, maybe someone’s got the answers.

I’ve tried to improve my mood. First by taking st.john’s wort and when it didn’t work I tried 5-htp. It didn’t work. Maybe the dose was too low, maybe I should double/triple it. 

I have generally low mood (but some days better, some days worse) and I have an anxiety. Anxiety is ruining my life.

It’s not a new issue and I’ve tried CBT and counselling which didn’t help. 

NHS CBT was completely useless.

Recently I’ve talked to someone about suicide and they said that it would be worth if I talk to GP and take some medication. 

But I’m not sure. 

I’m not at imminent risk. I know I might kill myself in the future but I’m not going to do it yet. It’s just an option if the life is too much. 

I’ve chosen the method and the thought is comforting. 

The thought that I’ve got the way out and that I’m prepared.

But I’m not going to kill myself yet. 

I have small children and I’m not going to cause trauma to my children. They are not ready to deal with that.

I’ve been having recurring suicidal thoughts for years.

I’ve never mentioned them in therapy because I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it and I was afraid how they might react.

And now to my questions.

Should I go to GP? 

Will they tell anyone? 

Are they going to make a big deal out of it? 

Or maybe ignore me? 

Maybe it’s not worth mentioning at all? 

Will I be sent to CBT again? 

Offered medication? 

Can I choose medication or therapy? 

What about side effects of medication?

I’m worried about side effects.

Parents
  • over 3 years ago

    You need to make sure there are people who are aware that you feel like this. You need to have a safety net, someone who will save your butt if you try to do something stupid and irreversible. I have similar issues. I tried lots of the same things as you and it didn't work. My advice which has help me carry on (I still don't feel great most of the time but its not even in the same ball park of darkness as before) is to learn about stoicism read seneca, aurealius, frankel, nitcheze, miyamoto musashi etc these guys teach to you live with less, appreciate less e.g be grateful you even get to wake up in the morning its quite a gift, minimise your life and one of the biggest lessons any of us can learn "there is nothing outside of you that can make you stronger, faster, better, everything is within" so don't look for things outside of you for strength look inwards and you will find it, change your perspective and look within yourself.  Try also to close your world down only to those things that matter to you and the people who matter to you. The less you think about the bigger world and the less contact you have to have with NT people (except those who matter to you have help you grow as a person) the better you will feel. You will think less, have to process less, worry about less, have more certainty and control and can use the energy and time that you do have to spend it on only the things that give you a reason to carry on which frankel says you can define for yourself. When you define your purpose, why you carry on you can just through your entire existence at it and completely forget about anything else. You have to choose to do that and nothing else can decide for you. 

    Outside of your mental attitude exercise exercise exercise. Not weightlifting etc just running and doing stuff like that. Body any mind need to align. Exercise gives you more power to take control of your mind too. 

Reply
  • over 3 years ago

    You need to make sure there are people who are aware that you feel like this. You need to have a safety net, someone who will save your butt if you try to do something stupid and irreversible. I have similar issues. I tried lots of the same things as you and it didn't work. My advice which has help me carry on (I still don't feel great most of the time but its not even in the same ball park of darkness as before) is to learn about stoicism read seneca, aurealius, frankel, nitcheze, miyamoto musashi etc these guys teach to you live with less, appreciate less e.g be grateful you even get to wake up in the morning its quite a gift, minimise your life and one of the biggest lessons any of us can learn "there is nothing outside of you that can make you stronger, faster, better, everything is within" so don't look for things outside of you for strength look inwards and you will find it, change your perspective and look within yourself.  Try also to close your world down only to those things that matter to you and the people who matter to you. The less you think about the bigger world and the less contact you have to have with NT people (except those who matter to you have help you grow as a person) the better you will feel. You will think less, have to process less, worry about less, have more certainty and control and can use the energy and time that you do have to spend it on only the things that give you a reason to carry on which frankel says you can define for yourself. When you define your purpose, why you carry on you can just through your entire existence at it and completely forget about anything else. You have to choose to do that and nothing else can decide for you. 

    Outside of your mental attitude exercise exercise exercise. Not weightlifting etc just running and doing stuff like that. Body any mind need to align. Exercise gives you more power to take control of your mind too. 

Children