Depression?

I’ve got some questions, maybe someone’s got the answers.

I’ve tried to improve my mood. First by taking st.john’s wort and when it didn’t work I tried 5-htp. It didn’t work. Maybe the dose was too low, maybe I should double/triple it. 

I have generally low mood (but some days better, some days worse) and I have an anxiety. Anxiety is ruining my life.

It’s not a new issue and I’ve tried CBT and counselling which didn’t help. 

NHS CBT was completely useless.

Recently I’ve talked to someone about suicide and they said that it would be worth if I talk to GP and take some medication. 

But I’m not sure. 

I’m not at imminent risk. I know I might kill myself in the future but I’m not going to do it yet. It’s just an option if the life is too much. 

I’ve chosen the method and the thought is comforting. 

The thought that I’ve got the way out and that I’m prepared.

But I’m not going to kill myself yet. 

I have small children and I’m not going to cause trauma to my children. They are not ready to deal with that.

I’ve been having recurring suicidal thoughts for years.

I’ve never mentioned them in therapy because I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it and I was afraid how they might react.

And now to my questions.

Should I go to GP? 

Will they tell anyone? 

Are they going to make a big deal out of it? 

Or maybe ignore me? 

Maybe it’s not worth mentioning at all? 

Will I be sent to CBT again? 

Offered medication? 

Can I choose medication or therapy? 

What about side effects of medication?

I’m worried about side effects.

Parents
  • I tackle my depression by:

    • Listening to music that I like, CDs, DVDs, watching music documentaries on TV, watched the Fleetwood Mac triple documentary on BBC 4 yesterday.
    • Looking at my photograph collection of places I enjoyed visiting.
    • Going on long walks, mostly through woodlands, near lakes.
    • Eating food I really like.  Even if it's unhealthy.

    I avoid medication.  I was once addicted to paracetamol and was taking five or six every day.

    I've never tried CBT of any kind.

    I only visit doctors, or hospitals as a last resort.

    Even with all this I'm still in a bad state.  A couple of years ago I saw a leaflet in my GPs waiting room which offered help with depression, stress, mental health etc.  It gave a website to visit, which asked me to fill out a long questionnaire about my current state of mind.  I completed this questionnaire as honestly as possible and waited to see what kind of help this organisation would offer me...   The response from the website was that my problems were far more severe than what they were able to help with.  And advised me to urgently contact my GP and ask for professional help.

Reply
  • I tackle my depression by:

    • Listening to music that I like, CDs, DVDs, watching music documentaries on TV, watched the Fleetwood Mac triple documentary on BBC 4 yesterday.
    • Looking at my photograph collection of places I enjoyed visiting.
    • Going on long walks, mostly through woodlands, near lakes.
    • Eating food I really like.  Even if it's unhealthy.

    I avoid medication.  I was once addicted to paracetamol and was taking five or six every day.

    I've never tried CBT of any kind.

    I only visit doctors, or hospitals as a last resort.

    Even with all this I'm still in a bad state.  A couple of years ago I saw a leaflet in my GPs waiting room which offered help with depression, stress, mental health etc.  It gave a website to visit, which asked me to fill out a long questionnaire about my current state of mind.  I completed this questionnaire as honestly as possible and waited to see what kind of help this organisation would offer me...   The response from the website was that my problems were far more severe than what they were able to help with.  And advised me to urgently contact my GP and ask for professional help.

Children