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ASD and Self Harm in Teenagers

NAS71097

Hello. I wonder if anyone is going through a similar situation. My teenage daughter has been self harming for around 6 months. We were obviously devastated. We finally got an ASD diagnosis in December but it hasn’t changed anything. She has a therapist who she likes but I can’t see how it’s helping. Her GP won’t medicate without CAHMS approval. CAHMS won’t approve until she has had therapy through them which she is on a long waiting list for. The support for her is slow but we are getting there.

What I am struggling with most is how to deal with her myself on a day to day basis. It feels to me like I have to make a choice to speak to her in an upbeat tone and do fun things together, to lift her mood, but that very much feels as if I am ignoring that fact that when I go to sleep she cuts herself. The other choice is to talk to her about it, but that is impossibly hard because of her ASD. She just can’t communicate about it. It’s like we are living in a parallel universe where she seems fine all day, but harms at night. I cannot make the two worlds join. There is beginning to be an atmosphere in the house which is awful. Has anyone been through a similar experience?

  • Update: thanks for your comments everyone. We have since bypassed CAMHS and gone directly to a Psychiatrist who has given the go ahead for the GP to medicate. She has been on anti depression meds for 2 weeks now and has also not harmed for 17 days which is a record. I know we aren’t the other side of it but I’ve felt the light at the end of the tunnel for the first time in many months. I’d like to say thank you to the people who replied who do self harm. And I’m sure, like me, people who love you want to hear everything you have to say. No matter how bad you think it may be. We are here to listen and love you and help you. 

  • Hi,

    I'm an 18 year old who self harms and has done for several years and has recently been referred for an ASD assessment by my GP after seeking help for it. 

    My parents are aware that I have struggled with self harm in the past and that it is a reoccuring problem but they don't really know the extent of it and don't like to talk about it so I'm coming from a different background but I'm going to tell you what I feel, but do be aware your daughter may be feeling something totally different.

    First off, I promise the therapist is probably helping. Self harm recovery is tough, takes a long time, and is different for everyone. Some people tend to see it like an addiction and that's probably not an innacurate description. It is so good that your daughter has a therapist she likes, because a relationship that is friendly and open will lead to more disclosures and that will help a lot. 

    Secondly, despite the difficulties communicating, you should probably try and open up a dialogue here. Don't make it all the time, and do it in small bursts but it's really important that you understand what she wants you to do. Get her to tell you some things that help and some things that make it worse. Supportive family is so useful when it comes to this kind of recovery.

    Finally, waiting lists suck, and I'm so sorry you're going through this, but I promise it can get better.

  • Hi,

    I'm an 18 year old who self harms and has done for several years and has recently been referred for an ASD assessment by my GP after seeking help for it. 

    My parents are aware that I have struggled with self harm in the past and that it is a reoccuring problem but they don't really know the extent of it and don't like to talk about it so I'm coming from a different background but I'm going to tell you what I feel, but do be aware your daughter may be feeling something totally different.

    First off, I promise the therapist is probably helping. Self harm recovery is tough, takes a long time, and is different for everyone. Some people tend to see it like an addiction and that's probably not an innacurate description. It is so good that your daughter has a therapist she likes, because a relationship that is friendly and open will lead to more disclosures and that will help a lot. 

    Secondly, despite the difficulties communicating, you should probably try and open up a dialogue here. Don't make it all the time, and do it in small bursts but it's really important that you understand what she wants you to do. Get her to tell you some things that help and some things that make it worse. Supportive family is so useful when it comes to this kind of recovery.

    Finally, waiting lists suck, and I'm so sorry you're going through this, but I promise it can get better.

  • Hello @NAS71097

    I'm really sorry to har that you have had to go through this.You may like to look at some of the advice and guidance on self-harm from the NAS:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/self-harm

    You may like to contact our Parent to Parent service who offers emotional support to parents and carers of children or adults with autism. This service is confidential and run by trained parent volunteers who are all parents themselves of a child or adult with autism

    You contact the team on 0808 800 4106. Please leave a message and the team will call you back as soon as possible at a time that suits you, including evenings and weekends. Alternatively you can use contact the team via web form: https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/help-and-support/parent-to-parent

    I hope this helps,

    ChloeMod

  • theres a guide for parents in here

    https://youngminds.org.uk/find-help/feelings-and-symptoms/self-harm/

    i used elastic bands on my wrist so I could ping myself and get the same release.

    I also used a red pen to self harm with no harm just some pain and alot of red ink on my arms. 

    Maybe : buy some artist paints 3/4 colours  in Home Bargains, dilute it down a bit  and ask her to throw paint onto a canvas/cardboard/wood  or use a brush to create something. Show her a Jackson Pollock painting afterwards.

  • depends how bad the self harm is ------ basically self harm isnt so bad if the "cuts" arent that bad.   I sound mad but i did some self harm and grew out of it.   

    So how bad is the self harm ?

    it does show something is fundamentally wrong in her life --- something she doesnt understand. wants to change, and cant express.

    I would try to be cool for a while longer because she is talking to the therapist which is good and will help.  Stop trying too hard I know u love her.

    if she is 16 or over get her in here to talk about herself and her life.

    sorry u're going through this it can be very worrying. If she starts banging her head against a wall things are very different so look out for that.

  • Hi, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time. I have no direct experience, but my friend's teenage daughter who's on the spectrum, was cutting herself at night because she was angry with life and wanted to release tension - it gave her some sort of relief. Talking to her about it, and showing her that she was understood, and changing the things that could be changed to make her feel better about things, did help and stop it. So I would just advise you not to *** foot around it too much, but keep trying to talk with her about it without judgement or impatience, as well as continuing to make her feel good. Hope it works out for you all Slight smile