Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone. I hope I'm not intruding as we are only in the assessment stage and do not have a confirmed diagnosis. My son Is a wonderful little 8yr old boy whose behavioural traits started raising concerns 4yrs ago. At first we thought it was dyslexia and very low self esteem. In p2, it became apparent that it was something more. He started having emotional outbursts, punching himself continuously on the forehead, hiding in confined spaces and becoming very agitated when asked questions. After meeting with the school and our gp, we were referred for an asd assessment. Two years later, we are finally going through the assessment phase. My husband and I met with asd team and they made a further meeting for our son. We have done a lot of work with over the last few years to help him cope with different situations. He is very complient at school and will adhere to all the rules. The asd team immediately realised that our sons anxiety levels were sky high and therefore didn't push very hard with their questions. Afterwards, they told us that he scored low on the asd scale but felt that there was asd which would have been more prominent if they pushed harder. They scheduled a school visit...to which they observed my son being very obedient. At one point he interacted with a little girl beside him and therefore they don't think there is an issue. His teacher spoke with the assessor afterwards and explained that she has seen him, on several occasions, repeatedly stab himself in the back of the head with a pencil, have emotional outbursts, and requires social stories to help with changes at school. I'm sorry for my long winded intro but here is my question....my sons behaviour is completely different at home. He has outbursts on a daily basis and still bangs his head when frustrated. For the last two weeks, I've been recording everything from monologues to emotional outbursts to walking on tippy toes. Can I send the videos to the asd team to show them what life is really like for my son and us as a family?
I am so frustrated and just want my son to get the support he needs. I'd appreciate any advice....thank you!
"We've introduced the phrase "we can't help you unless we know what's wrong" which has been quite successful." I'm thinking he probably understands that on some level, that's why it's having some success. He's likely trying with varying degrees of success to explain what's wrong. The ears thing is a great start. I could be wrong, but I'm thinking he'll get comfort that he has worked out a way to explain that part to you that you understand, and that you're trying to help him. He may not understand what you're doing, but if the impact is that the thing that's annoying him stops, then he will connect the two, cause & effect (at least on some level).
Thank you for all your input. It is greatly appreciated. This is a huge learning curve for us. We've come a long way by changing certain things in order to make life easier for our ds. We love him just the way he is and will do anything to make life easier for him. We've introduced the phrase "we can't help you unless we know what's wrong" which has been quite successful. He'll never tell us exactly what's wrong but we're learning the key words...if his ears are hurting then I know there is a noise that really bothering him (usually my daughters singing...lol). Thanks again!
I would ask outright if some recordings would help inform the decision making process. Give edited highlights *(lowlights) and a list of frequency of outbursts , monologs and head banging.
We had big concerns with getting SD16 assessed because she was on the threshold she went into an adult assessment. Turned out that this was to her benefit because she could not sustain the socially acceptable behaviour during a 2.5 hour assessment.
I'm thinking aloud here, but I wonder if the walking on tip toes are his way of "growing out of his current issues". IE If he get's older he'll be able to communicate how he's feeling, and be what he sees as normal. Autism as I understand it is being overwhelmed with sensory input that regular people just filter out, yet some get fixated on, and drive them crazy. The reaction in that red line zone is to get frustrated and lash out, either at you (why don't you understand) or at himself (what's wrong with me that I can't make myself understood?).
I'm new to this whole thing. I'm 44 and recently discovered I have Asperbers. Judging by the welcome I've had here, I'd say you're in the right place to find the right support for your son. From what I've learned, this is about how he sees the world around him, and how he interacts with it. Acting out is likely about frustration. He doesn't want to, but he's incapable of communicating his feelings. "Normal" (for ant of a better word) are capable of expressing their feelings, whereas that can be difficult (at least for me). I still have them. I wonder if your son has a similar inner battle.
I know I am totally different around people I feel comfy with, compared to strangers. I struggle to handle group things at work for example. Even at home, I don't like being in a big group. A a one-on-one you wouldn't be able to tell. My guess is that the reason he's hitting himself is that he knows he should be able to communicate with you and others, yet he doesn't see that understanding in them. I am just thinking aloud, I could be way off base. I sometimes feel like I'm in a room of idiots at work. I'm not. It's just the difference between how I'm seeing the world, and think I'm communicating myself contrasted with what others see and hear.
There's lots of very intelligent and caring people here. I'm only getting to grips with Asbergers myself. I'm sure others will have a more detailed idea. A low self esteem could easily be a by product of not building a rapport with the kids around him (because they simply don't understand, it's only natural to be wary of what you don't understand) where he sees groups of friends playing and he's being excluded.