Published on 12, July, 2020
I am a single mother struggling to cope with my son`s violent behaviour and it`s tearing us apart, he is a controlling, manipulative bully-because I am his main carer it is aimed at me as I do not have any supportive family or friend`s, at school he manages to control his behaviour but is unhappy and when he gets home he takes all his anger out on me, he is also verbally abusive towards me. It's taken me 5 years to fight for him to see a psychologist - out of this my son has been seeing a behavioural therapist and his therapist agrees my son needs to be put on medication but because my son controls his behaviour at school and not at home he does not think the psychologist will agree to this.
I can't go on like this anymore and I know I cant allow my son to behave this way and it is unacceptable, he does face concequences for his negative behaviour but he is devoid of any emotion of guilt for the way he behaves,.
Hi Kylebella,
I really recommend that you get a copy of 'The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome', by Tony Attwood, which costs just under twenty pounds - when purchased anew. It covers every stage of pre-adolescent development on through to adolescence and early post-adolescence. The difficulties you describe as having are not uncommon, and various methodologies for dealing with them are described and exemplified, and there are resource and reference listings aplenty at the end of the book.
I think you will almost certainly find it very useful resource indeed.
P.S. From the 'Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome' ~ 'Managing rage' (on page 158) ~ Tony Attwood states:
A subsequent section of this chapter will describe CBT programs for anger management (see page 163), but at this stage it is important for the reader to know what to do and what not to do when the person with Asperger's syndrome is feeling extremely angry and rapidly losing control, i.e. losing his or her temper and entering a state of rage.
We all feel angry sometimes, and I know children and adults with Asperger's syndrome who very rarely feel angry. However, when the feelings of anger are extremely intense and lead to an explosive rage, there is a diagnostic term that may be applicable to some people with Asperger's syndrome. Intermittent Explosive Disorder (I.E.D.) is included in the diagnostic manual DSM-IV, and is defined as follows:
The person has several discrete episodes of failure to resist impulses that result in serious assault or destruction of property, the degree of aggression is grossly out of proportion to precipitating psychological stressors and not accounted for by other mental disorders such as a personality disorder, psychotic disorder, conduct disorder or ADHD, or alcohol or drugs. (American Psychiatric Association 2000, p. 667)
Thus, if a person with Asperger's syndrome has problems with the management of anger that is intermittent and extreme, there may be a relevant diagnostic category that should enable the person to access appropriate treatment.
A few paragraphs on, Tony goes on to state:
I recommend that when the child or adult with Asperger's syndrome is in a rage, the person managing the situation uses a quite and assertive voice, perhaps not enquiring about the cause of the agitation, but focusing on distraction or more constructive means of releasing the emotional energy. This can include suggesting access to the special interest, which can be mentally absorbing and extremely enjoyable, such that the angry feelings are excluded from the person's thoughts; solitude, to slowly calm down; or an energetic physical activity; such as a long run, to 'burn-off' the destructive energy.
In my case a BMX bike worked a treat during my early teenage years, and also a skateboard in the later years.
Here is the bonus with the book, it is written in autistic-linguista-form - or more simply with Aspergian readers in mind - neurotypicals get to learn to understand Aspergian communication basics, and vice versa too.
T.C.G.T.A.S. is a psychological classic ~ along with the likes of Jung, Freud, Adler, Berne, Sachs, Bech and just about any other person who is a very well known super-specialist in the field of psychology.
The book is a very very seriously well written piece of work. Simple to read, and however complex you may wish to go.
Really good to read and seriously makes up for the affirmation or validation shortage often experienced by Aspergians in neurotypical society,
The only problem is - if it had as much information about older adults as it does younger children; it would not feel like the several chapters of the book are missing! It has a cliff-hanger so to speak.
I'm hoping all the big Aspergian authors across the world get to finish off with Tony Attwood.
Thanks for sharing this. I've bought the book but not managed to read it yet, but by god does it explain my 'explosion' today. I just can never find the way to explain it to people.
Lee