Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, I'm new to the forum...I've just got nowhere else to turn. My 9-year-old daughter was diagnosed on Tuesday by CAMHS. To say that I am devastated is an understatement. I feel embarrassed. I have tried over the years to encourage her to go to parties and be social, to take pride in her appearance and play nicely, but she crumbles in social situations, which has been very difficult for us as a family. I do not want her to be an autistic person. I just want my daughter to be like other children...the thought that she is different makes me shudder.
I'm sorry; I was planning to say far more but I just can't.
When you plan a baby this isn't what you expect, is it?
She is your firstborn and YOUR child - while you may not be 100% eleoquent you always want what you feel is best for your own baby and it is necessaary to always be fighting on behalf of our babies when they don't fit in. You come across as a Mama Bear not a bad parent.
The diagnosis itself is not going to change anything - it tells you why your daughter is the way she is not what she is or can be. It should mean she is understood better by the adults around her - teachers etc. and that should then mean she receives a good education. It should also mean that consistency is shown between different sets of adults and she can be supported in new environments. You should be blamed less - she is not a result of poor parenting.
That being said, she is unlikely to ever care about "fitting in" - this could be a good thing as she follows her own interests and doesn't give in to peer pressure but she is always going to struggle with social skills. With my daughter it hurts everytime kids won't play with her and everytime she just can't understand playgroud dynamics - it is not so much disappointment in her but I can see her hurting and I can't fix it. As a parent you want to protect and doing that when your child is the odd one out... it's really tough.
Clothes and appearance - this is what works for us - L (my daughter) hates having her hair tied back so every 3 months we have it cut and this costs alot more than a standard kids cut but it is in the quiet room of a hairdressers and they bring us each a hot drink. L likes yellow best so a bit of each outfit is always yellow. She likes to climb so tight trousers are out so she wears jeggings not jeans. I can sew (a bit) so we take labels out and put soft fabric over every seam or choose soft fabrics. Lush are a good shop - our local one let us come before they opened to smell everything and have a play so L now has her own soaps and things she likes to use.
What works for us may not work for you but if you can redirect the anger you feel at the diagnosis into other solutions then the two of you can handle this. You are her greatest advocate and this is a diagnosis that tells you what is hard for her - nothing is impossible.