Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, I'm new to the forum...I've just got nowhere else to turn. My 9-year-old daughter was diagnosed on Tuesday by CAMHS. To say that I am devastated is an understatement. I feel embarrassed. I have tried over the years to encourage her to go to parties and be social, to take pride in her appearance and play nicely, but she crumbles in social situations, which has been very difficult for us as a family. I do not want her to be an autistic person. I just want my daughter to be like other children...the thought that she is different makes me shudder.
I'm sorry; I was planning to say far more but I just can't.
When you plan a baby this isn't what you expect, is it?
I feel very sad that you feel responsible for not being able to fulfil your parents' expectations. My dad was clear about his expectations of me (not in regards to autism/disability, but in connection to another aspect of myself). There is no way on this earth that I could have lived out his fantasy for me and so I am unable to have a relationship with him. I think having expectations to the extent of believing they will inevitably be fulfilled and putting a child under pressure to live out those expectations is not fair on the child. I do not (well, very occasionally I do, but rather I will not allow myself to) feel bad that I could not meet my dad's expectations. I have to live the best way that I can and I am not responsible for his disappointment. As I said, I feel sad that you (and other people) feel responsible for their parents' expectations, particularly when this just is not possible.