Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, I'm new to the forum...I've just got nowhere else to turn. My 9-year-old daughter was diagnosed on Tuesday by CAMHS. To say that I am devastated is an understatement. I feel embarrassed. I have tried over the years to encourage her to go to parties and be social, to take pride in her appearance and play nicely, but she crumbles in social situations, which has been very difficult for us as a family. I do not want her to be an autistic person. I just want my daughter to be like other children...the thought that she is different makes me shudder.
I'm sorry; I was planning to say far more but I just can't.
When you plan a baby this isn't what you expect, is it?
CantBelieveIAmHere said:the only way she'll grow out of her problems is with encouragement.
the only way she'll grow out of her problems is with encouragement.
There is much truth in this. Children with autism can thrive if they are encouraged. They will not do well if they are disciplined and discouraged. It is important to separate her 'problems' from her autism. Autism often leads to real problems such as anxiety and worse but autism, in and of itself, isn't necessarily a problem. It does mean a deficit in one area but it means nothing about her other abilities. If she can succeed at some things then it really doesn't matter if she fails at another. Everybody (I mean everybody in the whole world) has talents in some areas but deficits in others. I was listening to Richard Branson on the radio saying that his dyslexia did not stop him getting where he is today. Chris Packham did not let his autism stop him getting where he is today.
Any parent with an child who has autism needs to learn how to do "positive reinforcement" focus on encouragement and do not get sidetracked by the things that cannot be fixed. She will never have the innate and intuitive diplomacy and social skill of the silver tongued diplomat but that just cannot matter. She can learn the rules of social life, etiquette and manners but she will still be prone to miss the signs and expressions that belie another persons inner thoughts and feelings. If she ends up in a school where bullying is allowed to flourish then you should remove her from that school and find another school with a better culture. Do not fall into the trap of bullying her yourself.
If this issue has not been spotted before now then she will have had a number of years to become brutalised and mal-conditioned by others' reactions to her innocent behavioural traits. This needs to be recognised and unpicked carefully and thoughtfully.
I agree with some elements of all of the contributors on this thread. Everyone has a point that needs to be made but it is not always easy for us to be successfully persuasive in putting those views across.