Devastated by my daughter's diagnosis

I don't think it's fair to say that someone else /makes/ you feel like a bad mother.  We are each responsible for our reactions to situations and comments.  I'm sure it's hard to hear an outspoken view that challenges you right now, given that you have just had news that you find upsetting and see as an inherently bad thing.  If you can manage to think of the diagnosis (even if not the autism itself) as a positive thing that will help you both: now that you have a way of understanding your child's difficulties you can take steps to maximise her potential.  Denial and regret for loss of imagined futures will eat away at you if it continues, but it can take time to recognises all the hopes you held and find some acceptance - the unknown, that they may not happen, or they may happen although possibly not in a way you had predicted.

Something to keep in mind is that difficulty socialising is an inherent part of autism and, given the lifelong nature of autism, not something that is grown out of.  People may develop strategies as a workaround, and possibly appear to fit it, but it will take extra effort.  Also, trying to coax an autistic person into socialising like others could cause increased anxiety and have the opposite effect - if she's not worked it out on her own so far, then repeated exposure to the difficult situation (at least on its own) is surely a risky strategy.  Something that can help people is to develop an interest and have some social contact around that interest.  It gives something to talk about, for example through attending a club or society based on that interest.  Also social situations with some structure and clear expectations are helpful, rather than being in a space and left to try to make conversation.

I hope in time you will find ways to help your child, as you (both) come to understand more about what autism means for her and, by association, you.  Perhaps you could find out about local support e.g. a group or network for parents of autistic children, and you can share worries, experiences and strategies, as well as information for if (or possibly when) you need to get suitable support for your child.

The fact that you have posted here is an indication that you are seeking help to do the best that you can for your child, so you clearly care very much.  I hope you can find role models for yourself, to enable you better to accept the situation you have discovered that you are in.

All the best.

I don't think it's fair to say that someone else /makes/ you feel like a bad mother.  We are each responsible for our reactions to situations and comments.  I'm sure it's hard to hear an outspoken view that challenges you right now, given that you have just had news that you find upsetting and see as an inherently bad thing.  If you can manage to think of the diagnosis (even if not the autism itself) as a positive thing that will help you both: now that you have a way of understanding your child's difficulties you can take steps to maximise her potential.  Denial and regret for loss of imagined futures will eat away at you if it continues, but it can take time to recognises all the hopes you held and find some acceptance - the unknown, that they may not happen, or they may happen although possibly not in a way you had predicted.

Something to keep in mind is that difficulty socialising is an inherent part of autism and, given the lifelong nature of autism, not something that is grown out of.  People may develop strategies as a workaround, and possibly appear to fit it, but it will take extra effort.  Also, trying to coax an autistic person into socialising like others could cause increased anxiety and have the opposite effect - if she's not worked it out on her own so far, then repeated exposure to the difficult situation (at least on its own) is surely a risky strategy.  Something that can help people is to develop an interest and have some social contact around that interest.  It gives something to talk about, for example through attending a club or society based on that interest.  Also social situations with some structure and clear expectations are helpful, rather than being in a space and left to try to make conversation.

I hope in time you will find ways to help your child, as you (both) come to understand more about what autism means for her and, by association, you.  Perhaps you could find out about local support e.g. a group or network for parents of autistic children, and you can share worries, experiences and strategies, as well as information for if (or possibly when) you need to get suitable support for your child.

The fact that you have posted here is an indication that you are seeking help to do the best that you can for your child, so you clearly care very much.  I hope you can find role models for yourself, to enable you better to accept the situation you have discovered that you are in.

All the best.