Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, I'm new to the forum...I've just got nowhere else to turn. My 9-year-old daughter was diagnosed on Tuesday by CAMHS. To say that I am devastated is an understatement. I feel embarrassed. I have tried over the years to encourage her to go to parties and be social, to take pride in her appearance and play nicely, but she crumbles in social situations, which has been very difficult for us as a family. I do not want her to be an autistic person. I just want my daughter to be like other children...the thought that she is different makes me shudder.
I'm sorry; I was planning to say far more but I just can't.
When you plan a baby this isn't what you expect, is it?
can'tbelievei'mhere
i am autistic. please note that the following is open opinion. also, being autistic, i am blunt but in no way intend to hurt, merely give the facts... and i don't mince my words, i speak truth from the heart.
madam, in the frankest possible terms, but also with kindest of intentions, get a grip! it is not your fault that your daughter is autistic, you have no need to be embarrassed at all, you are not a failure, and neither is your daughter.
autism is not a 'failure' of genetics, or upbringing, class, wealth or social standing. anyone who tells you that it is, is wrong.
i seriously think you would benefit from giving very serious considering and reflection on your value sets whatever they may be, and throwing away any ideas regarding what is 'normal'. everyone is different.
the true failure, if any can be considered here, is that your narrow guage or blinkered view/perspective on what a person and individual actually restricts you from realising and seeing the possibilities, and the benefits, of having a child that is not, and has not, and never will be, in a word, boring.
many autistics are: engineers, phsychologists, scientists, physicists, artists, musicians, philosophers, writers, actors, archeologists etc. etc.
we struggle, with the ordinary and the everyday, but we excell at our areas of specialism.
you will fail your daughter if you keep this narrow and blinkered view that has given rise to such bizarre expectations such as 'going to parties' or 'being social' or 'taking pride in oneself' as achievements to be held up as /worth/ something. they are not.
you seriously need to re-evaluate this thing: investing and guaging your own sense of success by the measure of how your daughter behaves.
your daughter is not a reflection of your success and failure. she is her own person. if you do not realise this, you will fail both yourself and your daughter. and most of all, you will fail to see the potentials in her for greatness, happiness, success, personal self-worth and self-esteem; most of all, love - and i'm not talking affection here, i'm talking something greater.
note to mods: yes, i know this is the usual blunt ferret, mod as you deem appropriate.