First timer.

I am a 34 year old male with Asperger's syndrome. I've been "officially" diagnosed since I was 19 years old. The "professionals" now think I may have borderline personality disorder. Other than my parents, I have very little to no social interaction. General "life" frightens me. I don't seem to fit in. Anyone else feel the same??

  • I apologise if any upset has been caused here.

    I have never done anything like this before, and I'm not really sure what I am doing.

  • todd and dexter 

    this is an issue of profile - ie. profile not being high enough; one has to go looking for the info.

    have been reading your discussion with interest. there are points i would wish to raise.

    1. the issue of adult support thread/groups

    - i believe this already occurs in part here, shall we use the word organically???, when people post with whatever issue they have and people reply (case in point). the main difficulty being the way this site is organised; one has to go searching for the information (a tag cloud would be beneficial to identifying key themes, but alas...). also the same issues keep cropping up, over and over and over again. there is clearly a shortfall in the general provision of support and information provided by NAS - presumably this is a funding issue??? - and yet it is often AS adults who are answering most queries, both for parents of children with AS, and also fellow adults.

    Question: who better to ask than an AS person about AS? straight from the horses mouth is often best, even if the information is not always accepted or understood.

    - also, there is AspieVillage, a there are regular meet-ups organised across the country, plus, one does not have the restrictions in place on AspieVillage as one does here about posting personal information and it getting Mod'd out. 

    - the downside again to AspieVillage is that it is a closed community, in that once one is 'inside' it, one does tend to feel like one is communicating in a tiny bubble or backwater; the mass of social media platforms these days eg. Twitter, will allow one to connect with other AS people, but one needs to put one's AS brain to it, Sherlock style, and go on the hunt. personally, i like twitter, it allows me to 'have a toe in the water, but not be doused by the people splashing around'

    2. the issue of the 'one stop support shop' for adults with AS - bearing in mind the geographical constraints most AS people deal with (travel costs being only just one hurdle, let alone stepping outside the house being another for some)... if one looks at the common denominators in ((your)) dicussion thread, it is mostly one of accessibility and yet also isolation - there appears to be a massive void when it comes to 'help' for adults with AS.

    Again, this is a profile issue, it's under the radar - how ironic that most adult AS go 'under the radar' for most of their life - there is information out there, one just has to research.

    leaving the above two elements for consideration, and aside for one moment, i must therefore pose another question. (the reason for this is as much to do with your thread and what has been discussed as my own personal research, personal discoveries, studies into AS - yes, i am Autistic, i use myself a guinea pig of sorts to experiment with... relax, i haven't levitated or greeted myself with 'sparkly eyes' yet - i take my investigations very seriiously, a science of deduction, if you will...

    So the question i would like to present is: are we, as AS, considering ourselves, and have we internalised unconcious bias of NT society, with the result being that we are indeed in need of a cure? curing? help?

    let that question settle for a moment. a bit like tea. let it stew. then add this milky question: should we in fact be seeking the truth, and rather than fight to fit, try all these 12 step courses, learn this and that about NTs etc, emotions, blah-blah-blah, i'm going to be sick if i have to listen to another lecture on why people react negatively to rudeness.... rather all that energy and effort learning about others, why not embrace our AS and all that it brings, and begin to expand that? why not embark on being more 'us'?

    if the latter question raises a brow, then does that not answer the OP and much of this ((your)) thread? in that we are best suited to help ourselves, as we know /our/ selves best; our selves being AS. Are we not the right people to help each other, that we do not, in our very nature, gather up in groups for a jolly chit-chat, but rather, solve problems, share, inquire where others would turn a blind eye, go where angels fear to tread... even ask the question everyone in the room is too afraid to ask? stick out like a sore thumb, find ourselves preferring the company of animals and nature rather than the jolly shin-dig going on... ?

    let's do what we do best. let's be true to ourselves and be what we are and perhaps, for a moment, just stop and think when we start to feel hopeless and helpless and redundant, and left out, or "just not picking it up, are you deaf?", or worse... been there several times last month, not nice....

    we are AS, but it is also not in our nature to huddle together for safety and pats on the back, empathising with each other, when really we don't need that, we need:

    answers, truth, why answered, facts, silence, quiet, space, and some sleep would be nice too. 

    in true AS fashion, i have deviated, but will now return (full circle) and state: mentors - surely a better idea? or an alternative one at that? 

    i mention mentoring because i have experience of it and practice it - no this is not a hard sell, far from it, and no i'm not touting my wares and setting out my stall - but rather, i think it worth mentioning that i see that there would be a place for mentoring either here or on another social media platform. there could then be a tailored fit, from person to the mentor, and vice-versa, both could choose. like a shamen, or guide, this person, who has pretty much been through it and come out the other side, could then offer their best advices. - i can see that already happening here on this site when people post questions, why not just expand that? 

    as for a libarary for information about AS in particular - there are two options 1. the conventional mainstream clinical stuff (it takes me about 10 mins to dig up all the current info available) 2. AS driven info - i think a lot more needs to be added by those with AS, rather than the professional (nearly all NT) arms, or rather, side of the coin. 

    A hub. An information hub. Like Wikipedia. Only.... ASpedia? Everything could be cataloged then - remember that tag cloud??? - and everything could be sifted through, like encyclopedia. built by AS, for AS.... "build it and they will come.."

    i think i've had too much sun today... i'm feeling the vit-D... i'll leave it there...

  • Sounds like a good idea! Never heard of that 12-steps thing before but anything aimed at adults would be quite nice. Somehow the local groups seem to do lots of stuff for and about kids but at least here there seems to be absolutely nothing available for adults, as if it suddenly disappeared when you grow up... It doesn't replace being able to meet real people but it may be a start at least.

    Thanks! 

  • Dexter said:

    A support group is a really good idea. It is a good idea to use this forum as a start. I'm not sure myself how to set up a face to face support group , as it would probably need to be done in a "professional way",

    The 12-step type of recovery groups are non-professional and have no fees except voluntary contributions to cover costs, like renting the space for meetings and buying coffee, but internet groups don't have these costs.  (There are private recovery centers that use the 12-steps and charge a lot for it, but that's not a pure 12-step group).

    So, this would need some thought.  I don't think the 12-steps fit Aspergers, not without serious modification, because its not any sort of addiction to any substance or any process that we're trying to recover from.  It's a condition that, in order to deal with other people in the world who do not have this condition, needs some help.

    I think a basic format would include a definition of what it is we are struggling with and a brief list of our common symptoms, hopes for what we are looking to gain through our group support, and some practical tools that we have found to be helpful.  And we would need some encouraging literature to use as a guide, to provide us with hope from others who have struggled in the same way, and as a springboard for our own personal shares.

    I really appreciate this discussion. Just to let you know, I don't expect to be at the computer much for about a week.  So, I'll check in after that.

  • Dexter said:

    If something works for you (Asperger's related or not), as a coping strategy, use it, as long as its an appropriate coping strategy.

    That is helpful.  I guess I'm stuck in black and white thinking; either one thing or another.  There's no reason I can't view myself as having Aspergers and ALSO needing help with other problems.

  • If something works for you (Asperger's related or not), as a coping strategy, use it, as long as its an appropriate coping strategy.

    A support group is a really good idea. It is a good idea to use this forum as a start. I'm not sure myself how to set up a face to face support group , as it would probably need to be done in a "professional way", like most things, and also whether the funding is there to do this. Maybes some fundraising stuff could help but I wouldn't know where to start with this.

  • I've also tried a whole bunch of stuff.

    Therapies, spiritual stuff, a few different 12-step groups, and tons of self-help books for general self-help, time-management, and social skills.

    Some of these things have made no difference, some have helped a little, and some have made a big difference.  But there's this blind spot that doesn't seem to have been effected yet.

    I'm looking into help specifically for Asperger's, which is something I've never done before.  On one hand it's a different focus, so I hope it is more helpful, but on the other hand I'm a bit worried it will be just another failed attempt.  

    I know it's helping my wife, at least, because instead of viewing me as being aware of her needs and insensitive to them, she views me more of just being less aware than she thought.

    I'm afraid I'm suffering a bit of thinking, "Now THIS is really the problem" Aspergers, that is, and in danger of throwing out things I've learned that really have been helpful just because they're not specifically for Aspergers.  It's an identity crisis.

    I've read a couple of books about Aspergers and have also seen a couple more that have been highly recommended and seem promising, real nuts-and-bolts solutions.  I really wish there was a face-to-face support group -- or at least something over the phone -- for Adults with Aspergers similar to the 12-step groups with an opportunity to share our experience, strength, and hope, and with some basic literature that we can all follow to guide us to a straight-forward, common solution.

    Maybe as a humble beginning it could start as a special thread here, but I'm not sure what kind of response it would get.

    On the other hand, they say that all you need to start a group is two people working together to find a common solution.

    I'm just rambling a bit, but I'd love to hear other people's thoughts on this.

  • Ive talked to the professional's.

    I've tried my hardest to answer there questions, even though they ask the same questions over and over.

    I've taken the meds they've prescribed in the past.

    I'm taking the current meds they've prescribed.

    I've tried meditation cds, music, fidget cubes, other different coping strategies, but don't seem to work.

    I've tried different herbal medicines , again with no success.

    I've tried coping strategies' that I shouldn't really do, but this particular coping strategy , for me personally, works the best. (I am unable to say exactly what it is as I need to be careful what I right and don't want to upset or offend anyone). Apology's in advance if this is the case.

  • Well, what have you done so far to deal with all this?

  • Sorry, but my machine switched off, and when it rebooted, it didn't sign me back in, so message came up as "posted by anonymous". I didn't realise until I clicked submit. Again, I apologise. I'm new to this kinda thing.

  • I've looked up a little on bpd and it does seem to fit with myself.

    I like being around people with Asperger's syndrome (autism), but I've always feel that there is something that is making me different. If I have bpd as well as Asperger's syndrome, that's good (in a way), but how do I cope, how do I trust people (especially support workers).

    I get very paranoid, my mood changes in a flash, I hear voices (I mean actual voices of people I've met, not in a schitzophrenic way), I have trust issues, I don't seem to be able to trust males (which is difficult as the social worker is male), I feel everyone is pointing and laughing at me, I feel I know what people are thinking of me and not in a good way, I feel I am not a nice person and I don't deserve to be happy and not being able to control my bpd?? (if that's what it is) gives me reason to believe I shouldn't be happy.

    Life is very tiring and very difficult at present, so I apologise if I don't make much sense.

  • In general, yes, but if you could elaborate it would be more helpful.

    I've been overwhelmed, depressed, and feeling unable to cope with life and with people for years. Not knowing about Aspergers, and certainly not thinking that I may have Aspergers, I tried a lot of things to deal with life in a healthier way -- things that helped but always seemed to leave something out.  They would help, but only to a point.

    Now that I'm learning about Aspergers and what it means to have it, and how to cope with it, I'm starting to really notice what is driving me crazy and starting to be able to take steps to improve situations.

    For example, right now is vacation time where I live.  Usually I would have breakfast just with my wife, but now my kids are home, and I'm having breakfast with them, too, and they keep turning on music. Knowing that people with Aspergers may get overloaded much more easily from sensory input than other people has been helpful. Instead of thinking, "what's wrong with me!  Why am I so frustrated!" I can say -- oh, of course, everyone is talking and there's all this background noise.  So I shut off the music.

    But I don't have to do it out of anger or feeling that people are intentionally annoying me and I have to fight against them to stop. I can just acknowledge that these things would not bother other people the way they bother me, and it's just the way my brain is wired.  So I can take measures to protect myself without resentments and ill-will towards anyone.

    That's just one tiny little example.

    I'd appreciate hearing more of your story and what you're dealing with.