First timer.

I am a 34 year old male with Asperger's syndrome. I've been "officially" diagnosed since I was 19 years old. The "professionals" now think I may have borderline personality disorder. Other than my parents, I have very little to no social interaction. General "life" frightens me. I don't seem to fit in. Anyone else feel the same??

  • In general, yes, but if you could elaborate it would be more helpful.

    I've been overwhelmed, depressed, and feeling unable to cope with life and with people for years. Not knowing about Aspergers, and certainly not thinking that I may have Aspergers, I tried a lot of things to deal with life in a healthier way -- things that helped but always seemed to leave something out.  They would help, but only to a point.

    Now that I'm learning about Aspergers and what it means to have it, and how to cope with it, I'm starting to really notice what is driving me crazy and starting to be able to take steps to improve situations.

    For example, right now is vacation time where I live.  Usually I would have breakfast just with my wife, but now my kids are home, and I'm having breakfast with them, too, and they keep turning on music. Knowing that people with Aspergers may get overloaded much more easily from sensory input than other people has been helpful. Instead of thinking, "what's wrong with me!  Why am I so frustrated!" I can say -- oh, of course, everyone is talking and there's all this background noise.  So I shut off the music.

    But I don't have to do it out of anger or feeling that people are intentionally annoying me and I have to fight against them to stop. I can just acknowledge that these things would not bother other people the way they bother me, and it's just the way my brain is wired.  So I can take measures to protect myself without resentments and ill-will towards anyone.

    That's just one tiny little example.

    I'd appreciate hearing more of your story and what you're dealing with.

  • I've looked up a little on bpd and it does seem to fit with myself.

    I like being around people with Asperger's syndrome (autism), but I've always feel that there is something that is making me different. If I have bpd as well as Asperger's syndrome, that's good (in a way), but how do I cope, how do I trust people (especially support workers).

    I get very paranoid, my mood changes in a flash, I hear voices (I mean actual voices of people I've met, not in a schitzophrenic way), I have trust issues, I don't seem to be able to trust males (which is difficult as the social worker is male), I feel everyone is pointing and laughing at me, I feel I know what people are thinking of me and not in a good way, I feel I am not a nice person and I don't deserve to be happy and not being able to control my bpd?? (if that's what it is) gives me reason to believe I shouldn't be happy.

    Life is very tiring and very difficult at present, so I apologise if I don't make much sense.

  • Sorry, but my machine switched off, and when it rebooted, it didn't sign me back in, so message came up as "posted by anonymous". I didn't realise until I clicked submit. Again, I apologise. I'm new to this kinda thing.

  • Well, what have you done so far to deal with all this?

  • Ive talked to the professional's.

    I've tried my hardest to answer there questions, even though they ask the same questions over and over.

    I've taken the meds they've prescribed in the past.

    I'm taking the current meds they've prescribed.

    I've tried meditation cds, music, fidget cubes, other different coping strategies, but don't seem to work.

    I've tried different herbal medicines , again with no success.

    I've tried coping strategies' that I shouldn't really do, but this particular coping strategy , for me personally, works the best. (I am unable to say exactly what it is as I need to be careful what I right and don't want to upset or offend anyone). Apology's in advance if this is the case.

  • I've also tried a whole bunch of stuff.

    Therapies, spiritual stuff, a few different 12-step groups, and tons of self-help books for general self-help, time-management, and social skills.

    Some of these things have made no difference, some have helped a little, and some have made a big difference.  But there's this blind spot that doesn't seem to have been effected yet.

    I'm looking into help specifically for Asperger's, which is something I've never done before.  On one hand it's a different focus, so I hope it is more helpful, but on the other hand I'm a bit worried it will be just another failed attempt.  

    I know it's helping my wife, at least, because instead of viewing me as being aware of her needs and insensitive to them, she views me more of just being less aware than she thought.

    I'm afraid I'm suffering a bit of thinking, "Now THIS is really the problem" Aspergers, that is, and in danger of throwing out things I've learned that really have been helpful just because they're not specifically for Aspergers.  It's an identity crisis.

    I've read a couple of books about Aspergers and have also seen a couple more that have been highly recommended and seem promising, real nuts-and-bolts solutions.  I really wish there was a face-to-face support group -- or at least something over the phone -- for Adults with Aspergers similar to the 12-step groups with an opportunity to share our experience, strength, and hope, and with some basic literature that we can all follow to guide us to a straight-forward, common solution.

    Maybe as a humble beginning it could start as a special thread here, but I'm not sure what kind of response it would get.

    On the other hand, they say that all you need to start a group is two people working together to find a common solution.

    I'm just rambling a bit, but I'd love to hear other people's thoughts on this.

  • If something works for you (Asperger's related or not), as a coping strategy, use it, as long as its an appropriate coping strategy.

    A support group is a really good idea. It is a good idea to use this forum as a start. I'm not sure myself how to set up a face to face support group , as it would probably need to be done in a "professional way", like most things, and also whether the funding is there to do this. Maybes some fundraising stuff could help but I wouldn't know where to start with this.

  • Dexter said:

    If something works for you (Asperger's related or not), as a coping strategy, use it, as long as its an appropriate coping strategy.

    That is helpful.  I guess I'm stuck in black and white thinking; either one thing or another.  There's no reason I can't view myself as having Aspergers and ALSO needing help with other problems.

  • Dexter said:

    A support group is a really good idea. It is a good idea to use this forum as a start. I'm not sure myself how to set up a face to face support group , as it would probably need to be done in a "professional way",

    The 12-step type of recovery groups are non-professional and have no fees except voluntary contributions to cover costs, like renting the space for meetings and buying coffee, but internet groups don't have these costs.  (There are private recovery centers that use the 12-steps and charge a lot for it, but that's not a pure 12-step group).

    So, this would need some thought.  I don't think the 12-steps fit Aspergers, not without serious modification, because its not any sort of addiction to any substance or any process that we're trying to recover from.  It's a condition that, in order to deal with other people in the world who do not have this condition, needs some help.

    I think a basic format would include a definition of what it is we are struggling with and a brief list of our common symptoms, hopes for what we are looking to gain through our group support, and some practical tools that we have found to be helpful.  And we would need some encouraging literature to use as a guide, to provide us with hope from others who have struggled in the same way, and as a springboard for our own personal shares.

    I really appreciate this discussion. Just to let you know, I don't expect to be at the computer much for about a week.  So, I'll check in after that.

  • Sounds like a good idea! Never heard of that 12-steps thing before but anything aimed at adults would be quite nice. Somehow the local groups seem to do lots of stuff for and about kids but at least here there seems to be absolutely nothing available for adults, as if it suddenly disappeared when you grow up... It doesn't replace being able to meet real people but it may be a start at least.

    Thanks!