Published on 12, July, 2020
I am a 34 year old male with Asperger's syndrome. I've been "officially" diagnosed since I was 19 years old. The "professionals" now think I may have borderline personality disorder. Other than my parents, I have very little to no social interaction. General "life" frightens me. I don't seem to fit in. Anyone else feel the same??
No matter how much I ever tell myself I am a "good" person (rarely I must say,) there's always some one who will say/do/or sometimes must a feeling, I'm worthless again, so with my low opinion of myself, what's the point of telling myself I'm a good person. It seems tiring and pointless. Guilt, not sure about this, maybes being bullied in school/college and generally in life, bullied for half mast trousers, bullied for too long trousers, just the right size trousers, for being overweight, for wearing glasses, for not wearing glasses (sometimes I wear contact lenses), maybes I've listened too many many negatively dull people in life I've become or becoming a negativly dull person. If something's broken (more so in the past), people would blame me for whatever reason this is, even if I wasn't at fault. I'm definitely a week person, I give in too easily, I don't or very rarely try new things , it probably builds up and up and then "boom".
If I could get to the stage where my "nasty thoughts" were few and better controlled id be happier, but it's putting the theory into practise that is , what seems impossible for me to even get to.