Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello there, I am a mother of a 14yr old girl who I am worried about. She has always been demanding - not naughty, just different. I don't know where to start with this really as I just want to hear from those who have had personal experience. There is a danger of me rambling but here goes...
I've spent years of feeling that something, apart from her dyslexia - which I had diagnosed privately, was not quite right. Finally, we are now 'in the system'. To cut a very long story short, She has now been seen by a Speech & Language Therapist; a Education Psychologist was requested but due to budget there weren't any available. The SLT has given Her a full and thorough report, indicating her concerns towards ASD. She was quite astonished that nobody had picked up on this before. However, she has also seen a doctor at The Edwin Lobo Centre who felt unsure as She does sometimes give eye contact etc. However, a lot of her social skills have been taught.
It is extremely difficult with girls as there seems to be so much ignorance out there, through nobody's fault. Teachers are expected to complete forms from doctors and yet they're not trained themselves. Plus, even doctors seem to only go from text books and tick boxes.
My daughter is in such an unhappy and anxious place. She so desperately wants some friends. My heart breaks to see her so lost and outcast from her peers. Yet because she is well behaved at school, like the SLT suggested, she has flown under the radar.
Can anybody please help me with a route to a quick diagnosis as I have been advised that this is what she needs. She is in year 10 and time is running out.
Thank you.
There is no quick diagnosis (from what I've been reading). You could go private to get a diagnosis, but the NHS and Social Services? I think don't recognise non-NHS assessments from what I've learned. But in the meantime, it might help for you and her.
But fight for your daughter just like you are doing! I saw educational psychologist, speech and language therapist, audiologists and was at the childrens neurodevelopmental centre from 4-5. My own parents stopped pushing it back then because of the stigma of it, and regret it because they see how much it impacted me. But because I didn't have learning difficulties like they believed... I'm 22 and waiting for an adult assessment appointment. I've struggled with depression and anxiety since I was around her age. I have no doubt what the result will be - and I think I'm going to be quite angry for a while because - I could have had an early intervention and not been miserable for most my life.
Females are especially good at masking. I know I need to make eye contact otherwise it means I'm being rude, and so I force it while being terribly uncomfortable about it. However, it isn't natural and if not for the 'learned rule' I'd never do it. I was lucky in that I always had a few friends. Both my primary and secondary school suspected I was on the spectrum (but as I was well behaved and middle or top sets... why bother?).
All you can do is convince your GP to make a referral to the local child diagnostic team. Then it is a waiting game. If your GP won't do it, find another one. The very fact that she has you on her side and supporting her will make a difference to her. All I can reiterate is to not give up and continue to be there for her. I'm obviously no expert but I do know how to research from quality and reliable sources as a result of my degree.
Otherwise, all I can suggest is research and find a health trust that does better in these cases and make a move (which isn't practical and likely not possible).
Good luck. I have so much sympathy and I empathise so much with your daughter. But keep pushing and don't let them fob you off.