Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I'm 35 and I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome recently. I had been thinking that I was autistic for a few years and decided to get diagnosed when a support worker asked me if I had considered it (I was dealing with depression at the time, still am to be fair).
I think I'm struggling with it a little bit. This is the closest I've come to admitting that I have AS, I always qualify it at the moment with 'diagnosed with'. I've told my parents of the diagnosis and instructed them not to share it and told no-one else. It's not really the case that I dispute it, I think it fits - most of the time. In fact since the diagnosis I've felt more confident and generally better about myself and performing better at work (admittedly it's not been long). I don't know what the issue is....
I've not taken up the option of being put in contact with the local social groups, apparently there are some. I'm confused by my reaction, it's even been a struggle to register here and post, despite lurking for a long time.
Anyone got any advice?
Thanks for the reply.
Whilst I accept the diagnosis I feel like I'm rebelling against it a bit at work and shutting myself away more privately. I've discovered that I'm very hard on myself and I'm not likely to give myself breaks or exceptions because of a new 'label', which is all it is really. It doesn't change anything just explains some stuff, but even saying that is hard because it sounds like an excuse...
As far as work goes, I don't need adjustments. I'm not even sure how it would work in my circumstances, working for a company but based at a client site. I'm not even sure how to describe it if/when I have to, it's just me after all. I'm also so self conscious that I really wouldn't want the interest and having to explain the intricacies of parts of my mind feels so much like an overshare of something that I have never spoken about and the repetitive nature of sharing with different people would irritate me. I think I'd be likely to say something along the lines of "I have AS, it doesn't change anything. If you want to know more go google it."
I don't think I have desire to interact as much as a desire to "fit in" and be comfortable in a group, but I also have a desire to different in so much that I actively avoid and things that I view are common where there is a chance to be more unique, or at least slightly different (kinda hard to explain well). They work against each other a lot which doesn't help.
Hi
Thought I'd reply to you. I guess that's why I registered on this forum recently, to share thoughts.
I think it's important to let those closest to you and trusted friends, if you feel comfortable. I have told my Neuro-typical friends and work colleagues, but I don't think they have been very good at understanding what I try to explain. So, I do wonder if it really matters. However, I do have a deep sense that I should try harder to make them understand. It's hard work. It's very much your choice. It took me a year before I told colleagues, but nothing bad has come of it. Infact my employer is keen to involve me in it's diversity things, as I think differently.
If your performance at work is suffering you may be able to obtain reasonable adjustments to help minimise the impact of AS if that is having an effect.
Social anxiety is a thing with us. Very strange really, because I think we so want to interact, but are just very bad at the initial steps. It's great when we overcome it though. So, I hope you keep at it, when you're ready.
All the best