Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
My brother is 28 and I think he may be austistic but we (his family) are not sure.
There's quite a complex family history and he is living at home with my Dad still, whilst me and my other brother and my sister are all leading independent lives wanting to help him. We don't know how to and so I'm on this forum to try and get some advice from people/families in similar situations.
He seems depressed and sleeps long hours with no real routine and has never had a job or a girlfriend. It has been this way for about 10 years now. i cant tell if he is happy or not and we all want to talk to him but a)we don't know how to without upsetting him/making him annoyed and b) we don't want to overwhelm him in case makes him retreat further. However, we think he can be manipulative in the way he gets upset sometimes and we all agree that the situation can't go on because of course when our dad passes away in the future it will become much more difficult (both for us AND him). so we'd like to be able to do something constructive to help him get the help he needs. Medication, therapy, little steps but we are not sure what steps to take. We love him and want him to be happy.
He exhibits signs that he may be on the autistic spectrum ( my older sister is a psychologist which helps hugely in understanding this for us but she is not a specialist in adults with autism or anything. Also I have spoken at length with my own therapist about him and he also says that it sounds like he is autistic and suggested I go online to connect with others who may have advice). He has social anxiety and therefore doesn't go out. I don't know when he last went to the GP or dentist and he smokes a lot so this is another worry for me anyway. He has no need to go out, and is pretty much completely isolated with no friends. Our dad is the only person he sees on a daily basis apart from when we visit from time to time. We are all leading independent lives so it's sad for us and we feel we can't be complacent anymore, and we have been. we just want to know what he wants from life and a) how he can achieve it And b) how to relay this information to him.
it is also worth noting that our mother passed away 6 years ago after a long illness and so this must've also had an impact on him and contributed to his state of depression. I believe this is the case.
Sorry for the ramble, just looking for advice and hopefully some pointers into the right direction.
Thanks
A
Thank you for your replies. I didn't receive notifications but I'm revisiting this today and saw your responses.
I think it is a good idea to 'bite the bullet' and just ask him if he is okay. I'm probably best poised to do this as his younger sister. It's been difficult to know how to broach it and that has been OUR fear collectively I suppose, not wanting to do more damage by potentially freaking him out by talking to him about it
I'm going to be spending more time going to visit him and hanging out with him, at least once a month (it costs a lot for me to get the train but my Dad has offered to help out) and hopefully I can give him some much needed company, from someone more nurturing, his little sister. The dynamic is completely different between me and him and him and my dad. They get along great but it's just not the same! Just this weekend we spent time playing computer games together like we used to. He loves computers and I secretly miss playing games too....no more time for that these days for me.... I hope to keep this up and eventually get to a point where he feels as comfortable as he can talking to me about how he's feeling. at the moment I think me spending more time with him will give him something he seems deprived of at home, basically alone apart from Dad.
in addition, I'm working on keeping the lines of communication open between the rest of us...it's so important to do that when we each lead busy individual lives.
Thank you for the responses and links.
- AH89