Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all. Introducing myself, not sure whether or not this would be more appropriate in the Diagnosis & Assessment section, if so I will create a new thread there.
I'm a 17 year old male, been thinking about the possibility of aspergers for a while now and I'm considering going to my GP to discuss options. I've taken the AQ test a few times in the last few weeks, consistently getting a score of 36/50, although I'm unsure what that means (considering my understanding of autism and the demand characterists I'd assume would be present).
I vividly remember feeling 'wrong' and out of place through Primary and Secondary school. For the last few years I have pinned that one the fact that I am transgender and struggled to make friends of either gender while also struggling with my identity. However since moving to college and living as my real gender, I've found that I am equally as 'awkward' - if not moreso by the fact that I am much more aware of how out of place my behaviours seem.
An example would be agitation when interacting with people. All interactions currently are with strangers, and during/afterwards I become physically agitated, tapping fingers, shaking my head and 'fidgeting'. I find a lot of college to be uncomfortable and after a particulary hard day I'll find that I will disconnect myself at the end of the day and 'zone out' on the way home. I don't recall much of this from being younger, although throughout secondary school I remember needing a lot of alone time, and if I spent time with friends outside of school I would become exhausted and need to stay away from people altogether.
As far as over stimulation a lot of people report, I remember being terrified by loud noises as a child, and while not to the same degree now I will become very nervous and feel adrenaline when anything is too loud. For example if I am in a car or enclosed space and someone is being too loud or playing music, or being at a concert. A lot of it comes with the thought that I don't know how loud it will get, and that I have no power over the volume.
People have (throughout my life) often made comments that I'm odd, whether it's in regards to the things I say, the things I find interesting or my general demenour. I am now more socially aware that the things I do are out of place, and I consciously think of what the normal thing to do in sitautions is and try to suppress urges to do things that may not be normal (an example being nervous tapping/movements, looking around the room inappropriately or saying inappropriate things).
I also find comfort in repetition. Generally when I am distressed I'll repeat behaviours, such as watching the same series over and over or watching the same tutorials how to do things, which is also quite widely reported.
My main questioning/purpose is to attempt to come to a decision whether or not to go to my GP about reaching a diagnosis. An advantage would be a diagnosis or not a diagnosis and continuing to work on why I feel 'odd' in relation to others, although my main reservation is to be dismissed and/or confirmed as teenage awkwardness and appear that I am finding excuses or seeking attention in my medical records.
If anyone has insight it is greatly appreciated.
I have not been tested, but have been noticed by my husband and his collegue (both in the nuerology field, one an neurology assessment instructor, the other a neuro surgeon) as having ADD and Aspergers. Anywho, I chose not to got he full testing as I like who I am and enjoy being different. It has been enlightening to be confronted with it though. Speaking with others that are much like myself, have had many experiences in childhood and adulthood like myself. I have a career that alows a lot of autonomy and very little (rarely) social interaction with most of the company. It helps keep the stress and anxiety down. I do remember childhood and my 20's being very confusing. I had no idea why I was so different. Then came the 30's when I started understanding how people like to be treated which is very different than I prefer. I'm clearly wired differentl, but that understanding alone led me to investigate how others like interacting.
Hi 123,
Although the AQ test isn't a diagnosis tool, it can help in helping you decide whether to follow it up with a doctor. Scores above 32 can (but not always) be indicative of an autism spectrum condition. It was by doing this test last year (and with further observations by my sister, who works as a TA with autistic children), that made me speak to my doctor.
Feeling "out of place" seems to be something that many of us feel, and interaction with strangers/noisy situations can be exhausting. I totally sympathize with you about repetition when stressed - this is something I constantly do, and probably is to do with us trying to calm a stressful situation with something familiar and routine to us.
It has to be a personal decision of course, but if you did get a diagnosis, you might find that everything falls into place, and allowances can be made for you in places of education and the workplace.
What clearly comes across in your post is considerable understanding of your issues and great clarity in how you express them. Don't worry about the long post either - the more you explain, the easier it is to understand the issues you have.
I'm currently waiting for my assessment, but those members on here who have been through the diagnostic path will be able to give you their own views too.
Good luck!
I'm replying to this because I just realised what a long post it is - apolgies, I'm not too good at summarising things.