ASD or parenting gone pear shaped?

Hi I am hoping you can point me in the right direction regarding information to support my son and myself. My son is 12 and has recently been diagnosed with dyslexia but has also been under paediatric consultant off and in since he was 4 years. He has always been a very 'busy' child, never slept from 10 months old during the day (up at 5am and sleeping approx 11.30pm every day), not good with children his own age (good with younger /older) as he became older it turned into issues such as sensory problems (can't cope in crowded spaces, load noises, bright lights etc) has to stick to very specific routines, cannot sleep or stay over at relatives or friends houses as he become very very upset and want to come home) He appears to most people as confident, articulate and able and when he has a meltdown due to the breaking of routine/people or noise overload, I feel judged as others treat us as if he is spoils and is behaving like this to get his on way. Only last night he tried to stay at his grandmothers but come 10.30pm I had a phone all to say he was having a meltdown, uncontrollable crying and want to come home, inconsolabl!!! When he has his assessment for dyslexia, many indicators for ASD showed up and the assessor recommended I push for a full ASD assessment which I am planning to do. I have been thinking he could be on the spectrum since he was tiny but everyone used to just tell me 'he's just busy' 'you just need to be firmer with him' I have two grown up children and have parented them adequately but because there was a ten year gap, began to doubt my parenting and intuition and began thinking maybe i have 'spoils' him by pandering to his 'odd' routines etc. He is able to converse easily and shows sensitivity to others feelings, I am still thinking maybe it is my parenting. Would really appreciate your thoughts and help a very tired mum out