Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone. I am a 61 year old male whom others often think of as having strange habits and strange ideas. I am also 'stuck in my ways'. I find that I am frequently misunderstood and have problems with spoken communication at times. For example when someone asks 'How are you', not knowing what to say so I'll say something like 'I'll live'. I am very abrupt with answers, often resorting to one or two words and not carrying on the conversation. I speak inappropriately at the wrong times in meetings, play unnecessarily with, for example, paper cups to the annoyance of others without realising what I am doing and am often talking to myself.
Conversely, once I get going on a topic that I have an interest in, I talk the hind legs off a donkey, not knowing when to stop and boring the pants off the recipient of my talk. Job interviews have always been a problem, I have been told I do not engage enough eye contact and either fidget a lot or sit bolt upright with my arms folded. I have failed so many job interviews that I am a candidate for the Guinness Book of Records. This led to a l-o-n-g period of unemployment lasting twenty years from my twenties to my forties.
Recently, my job changed- I used to work as a data manager but having been Tuped over it changed to an office administrator. I cannot work how I would like and I know there are better ways of doing things but I am not allowed to do them the way I want (I am very computer literate). This has caused problems with accuracy by working in a way that is not how I like to work and also there are so many interuptions that I find it difficult to complete the tasks and it has caused so much stress and anxiety that I am now on long term sickness for stress manifesting itself in anxiety and depression.
I strongly suspect I may have Aspergers. Some time ago I took the Aspergers Test (self took, not with a doctor) and got a score of 42. Taking it again recently had the same result. I am aware that self tests are not necessarily accurate but I think a lot of my experiences fit in with Aspergers. I have been trying to convince my GP to refer me for a proper assessment but it is so far falling on deaf ears. I believe an assessment if positive would provide me with a strong case for adjustments at work so that I can better cope. What do others think?
I think even with my age it is well worth finding out whether it has been my problem all my life. It will explain so many things, yes I know that there is the 'if only' point but then life is so full of disappointments and if only we had the benefit of hindsight. But it can still help me at work, not least the 'reasonable adjustments' which will have to be made instead of constantly having constant criticism for the way I behave and being made a figure of fun for some of my perceived eccentricities. Six months would not be an over long wait (I have waited 61 years so six months would not be too much to bear) but I would like the diagnosis before I retire! And I don't look on it as anything to get upset about if I do get the diagnosis. It is all part of life's rich tapestry. I will push my GP for a referral when I next see him in a couple of weeks time. And it has been very helpful reading the experiences of others.