Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone. I am a 61 year old male whom others often think of as having strange habits and strange ideas. I am also 'stuck in my ways'. I find that I am frequently misunderstood and have problems with spoken communication at times. For example when someone asks 'How are you', not knowing what to say so I'll say something like 'I'll live'. I am very abrupt with answers, often resorting to one or two words and not carrying on the conversation. I speak inappropriately at the wrong times in meetings, play unnecessarily with, for example, paper cups to the annoyance of others without realising what I am doing and am often talking to myself.
Conversely, once I get going on a topic that I have an interest in, I talk the hind legs off a donkey, not knowing when to stop and boring the pants off the recipient of my talk. Job interviews have always been a problem, I have been told I do not engage enough eye contact and either fidget a lot or sit bolt upright with my arms folded. I have failed so many job interviews that I am a candidate for the Guinness Book of Records. This led to a l-o-n-g period of unemployment lasting twenty years from my twenties to my forties.
Recently, my job changed- I used to work as a data manager but having been Tuped over it changed to an office administrator. I cannot work how I would like and I know there are better ways of doing things but I am not allowed to do them the way I want (I am very computer literate). This has caused problems with accuracy by working in a way that is not how I like to work and also there are so many interuptions that I find it difficult to complete the tasks and it has caused so much stress and anxiety that I am now on long term sickness for stress manifesting itself in anxiety and depression.
I strongly suspect I may have Aspergers. Some time ago I took the Aspergers Test (self took, not with a doctor) and got a score of 42. Taking it again recently had the same result. I am aware that self tests are not necessarily accurate but I think a lot of my experiences fit in with Aspergers. I have been trying to convince my GP to refer me for a proper assessment but it is so far falling on deaf ears. I believe an assessment if positive would provide me with a strong case for adjustments at work so that I can better cope. What do others think?
changewillhappen said:Thanks Tom for the thoughtful reply,You make some good points. I would say, although I communicate well, the feeling I have is that it is a well rehearsed 'act' and that I'm cleverly imitating the behaviour of 'earthlings.' I can be very social but usually find I get over talkative and buzzing with nervous energy. I know 'ration' my social contact so as to keep my nerves steady.My own son (who I see 2/3 days a week) who is 15 is now thought ot have autistic traits so this invited a reconsideration of myself.You make a good point about the psychology of repsonding to the Quotient test. I deliberately factored in a slight bias to choosing answers I though would confirm things but i wasn't always clear which answers did except in obvious cases.There's also a history of poor 'mental health' in my family background so it's difficult to sort out the mental health bit and the autism bit.
Thanks Tom for the thoughtful reply,
You make some good points. I would say, although I communicate well, the feeling I have is that it is a well rehearsed 'act' and that I'm cleverly imitating the behaviour of 'earthlings.' I can be very social but usually find I get over talkative and buzzing with nervous energy. I know 'ration' my social contact so as to keep my nerves steady.
My own son (who I see 2/3 days a week) who is 15 is now thought ot have autistic traits so this invited a reconsideration of myself.
You make a good point about the psychology of repsonding to the Quotient test. I deliberately factored in a slight bias to choosing answers I though would confirm things but i wasn't always clear which answers did except in obvious cases.
There's also a history of poor 'mental health' in my family background so it's difficult to sort out the mental health bit and the autism bit.
The mental health bit could so easily be related to the autism bit. Once things started to catch up with me, and I began to get depressions - that's what I was diagnosed with: depression. Either that or 'anxiety disorder'. There's very little else GPs can do, I suppose, if they're not familiar with mental health/autism conditions. I was referred to the local mental health unit, who diagnosed 'substance misuse' - even though I didn't drink at unhealthy levels. That was then the treatment programme I was put into! Later, as I said, my therapist thought it was BPD. I went back to the MH unit - and the CPN there, in so many words, told me to go away and stop wasting their time. It was only during further therapy that the possibility of autism, as the root of everything, was suggested. And so it turned out to be.
I often wonder how many seriously ill people there are out there, taking anti-depressants for 'depression' or 'anxiety disorder' or something like BPD, when the root cause might actually be neurodiversity, and a consequent inability to function to the standards required for a neurotypical world.