Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I'm Sophie. I was wondering if it were actually okay to be on here, even though I haven't been diagnosed - though I'm pretty sure I am. I don't know where I'd go to get diagnosed (a doctor? Pretty sure they'd just ask me to get off social media and stop kidding myself) and I've brought it up with my parents before and they say I'm not, but I've made myself aware of a lot of things over the years they've never mentioned or brought up (ex. I know my own sexuality now. Neither were very helpful at all) though it's pretty hypocritical of my mother, the hypochondriac, to say that less than a week after she calls me aspergers, or/AND autistic.
I just don't really want to offend anyone at all with my involvement in this site, looking around, introducing myself, while I'm self-diagnosing (I hate self-diagnosis and acknowledge I'm a huge Hypocrite with that statement).
I find talking with people to be hard unless I have a big massive plan on what to talk about, and while I have the confidence to say hello to an absolute stranger, I don't usually have anything else to say, unless they're wearing something that I have a direct interest in - I was inspired by Tumblr and Pinterest to say hello to people with fandom shirts and other merchandisal products, because I thought they might understand me better (they don't, but when they smile or wave back at me, it's nice).
It's hard for me to recognise a lot of different things about myself because I know that I'm still learning a lot of things so people actually want to talk to me, and that I'm making myself learn this stuff too. I didn't have a lot of friends as a kid due to other kids being nasty little people - they called me weird, and then weird again because I liked reading. I like writing now, too, but even the people I'm friends with now think it's strange - I've clocked over 500,000 words published online, and that's only a bare fraction of what I've actually written and saved on my computer.
I love my computer. I cried when my dad tried to physically take it away from me. When he asked me to put it away - I was banned, because he'd just implemented rules about swearing and I didn't know - I didn't want to, because I wanted to finish what I was writing, so he tried to take it and I ended up crying on my seat - and it's MY seat - and then running off to my room. I didn't go back on it (because I respected the fact that I was banned) but I didn't let him or his girlfriend take it. It's still actually quite traumatic for me to remember.
I also really like, no LOVE music. If I don't have it on, it's because I know that other people need to sleep (hehe) or because my mind is being really quiet for once and I don't need it to help me focus a part of my brain. It kind of directs me(?) or like, makes sure I don't get distracted or bored. (Is that a bad thing?)
I was once really obsessed with three-quarter length sleeves, and then I just...hated it. I can't stand to wear the same kind of shirts even now, but I like those kind of soft cottom wingbat(?) shirts, becaused they're loose and they're not too long. I don't like sleeves unless they're like that. I'm wearing my favourite shirt right now. I want to wear it all the time. Whenever I'm wearing long-sleeved shirts - and jumpers - I push the sleeves up. All my favourite jumpers have fluffy insides, but it has to be the right kind of fluffy(?), because the school hoodies I tried to wear just didn't cut it, and they only made themselves worse in my mind because they had a really constricting neck. I hate my neck being constricted.
When I was little, I hated skinny jeans, like, I'd refuse to wear them. The feel of them were terrible back then. Same with khaki trousers, until my mum got me a perfect pair that I really liked to wear. I only liked skinny jeans once they started to come with a soft linging inside. I take offense to green for reasons unknown, same with pink, but only when it comes to wearing pink clothes? I also have trouble with purple if it's pink enough and really, anything with green is a no-go. Blue is perfect. I really, really like blue. I got my hair done blue.
I tap my feet for no reason, and bounce my knee - I don't notice it most of the time. People ask me to stop and I'll keep going, thinking I have, but I haven't. I have to keep my hands busy with something, or I'll bite my fingers and my nails. I hate long nails. I feel like they're going to snap off like fake nails do.
I also go on for a bit about things (see: above^) and will keep going on unless something else distracts me, which something has.
edit: I took this (The Ritvo Autism Asperger Diagnostic Scale-Revised (RAADS-R)) because someone else on the forum did that was introducing themselves.
language: 9.0social relatedness: 70.0sensory/motor: 43.0circumscribed interests: 42.0total score: 164.0
av. f. nrtp: 84.3av. f. ASD: 165.1
Hi Sophie,
I joined this forum when I was at a similar point in my life to yourself. I was just starting to have thoughts and inclinations that I may be on the spectrum. Everyone here is very welcoming and not having a diagnosis was never an issue. I am now diagnosed as having Aspergers Syndrome.
When I first mentioned my thoughts to others, it was met with raised eyebrows and disagreement. My mother was adament that I did not have autism, she initially refused to accept my sons subsequent diagnosis too. Over time though she did come round, to the point that she now believes she is autistic.
I can relate to lot's of things in your post and I agree with your thoughts that there could be something worth exploring. I also haven't seen that test before. The link recombinantsocks posted is for a test that was used in my diagnosis process. This test was also used https://psychology-tools.com/empathy-quotient/