Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone,
My name is Ryan and I am a 21 year old male student that lives in the UK, I currently attend a university course. This post is a detailed and honest account of my life from birth up till now of my struggles and my achievements. If you wouldn't mind sharing this on social media and through word of mouth i'd appreciate it but it's up to you of course.
So where do i begin? I suppose I should begin at the start when I was diagnosed, I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome (mild autism) at the age of 4 by a child psychologist at the infants school i was attending (Middle School/Kindergaarten). I had a good childhood i was spoilt and loved by my family and even though my condition did alienate me occasionally from the other children i still had plenty of friends and my parents even though they struggled to understand my condition even to this day still do their best to try and let me live as fully as any neurotypical child.
The main issues started to arise when i hit my teenage years when i started to feel isolated from my peers. Due to my imaginative personality i would invent worlds for me to live in and when i shared my concepts and ideas with my peers they didn't take too kindly to it and when i tried to express my interest into video games and media they also didn't take kindly to it neither. I was called "Retard" often and i got into many fights with some of the other students as they would pick on me and steal my stuff, a lot of the time i would have a spot i'd would hide in and cry as i just wanted to be alone from the world as i saw the world as a very cruel and unsusual place since i wasn't used to dealing with this as much i got picked on a little at junior school but it was very minor and i was a lot more accepted then. I would also intentionally misbehave so they would take me out of lessons and put me in the 'Inclusion Room'. It essentially is a room where the schools behaviourial manager (I really don't know his actual job description but literally his job was to discipline naughty children.) I'd do this because i actually prefered working in that room than being in a class full of my peers.
Arguably once i graduated secondary school (high school) i went onto college (In the US/other countries this would be considered your last two years as a senior). College had it's challenges but i did have a few more friends and i was accepted generally however, due to my isolotory behaviour that not only results from my condition but due to the hostile enviroment i was around at school i started to seclude myself from the other students and it became worse and worse. I would simply just walk out of a social gathering and go home or hide myself away at the edge of the classroom or at lunch sit in areas where there was bearly anybody about. College was also out of the way and i had to travel there by train since i grew up most of my life in a small community. After we left school a lot of my friends moved out of the village so it became very empty there and i remember summers i spent in isolation only seeing family members for months on end. At first i didn't mind i prefer the company of myself and it gave me a chance to do the things i love like gaming and i had plenty of online acquantances to keep me company but eventually i tired of it and i wanted to really experience life.
Once i graduated my final year at college i had to do another year due to poor grades the last year as i struggled that year due to the death of a very close friend of mine which incidentally just furthered my own abyss of lonliness. I went on to university and i decided to live on campus my first year flat mates weren't horrible and they left me alone and living there wasn't too bad it was quite nice actually. Problems started to occur though with the financial side as coming from a small community work was hard to find so i had little to no experience i did get a job briefly working at a garden centre but eventually i quit due to insufficient pay and general depression. Also, the loan company that grants money to students didn't even give me enough to pay off the rent of my university accomidation so the university constantly hounded me for pay which i couldn't provide luckily the family member who is supporting me was currently working at the time and didn't mind helping me out so i was able to pay off my housing and live.
In my second year which is the year i am currently in it got massively worse, the family member who supports me lost their job and has been diagnosed with severe depression and is now getting support from a psychiatric nurse they still give me allowance and it helps out occasionally but i still struggle severely. What's worse is that because they don't have income anymore it entitles me to get a better loan which would actually help pay for housing however, they don't have their income on file meaning that getting that loan is an issue and from parleying between my family member and the loan company neither of them want to capitulate. Currently, my university is threatening eviction as i am unable to pay the housing fee and every avenue of money i tried getting work but my studies only allow me to do part time work. I did manage to get a volunteering position and i tried to apply for their support fund but because again they didn't have my family members income information i still wasn't eligable even though i explain my situation and their condition they are adament about it. This, coupled with the fact a lot of the friends i made last year i don't see a lot of and i struggle to get in contact with i started to feel incredibly isolated and i sometimes struggle to even get out of bed or be motivated to do anything. Leaving the house is hard and i've even missed lectures due to the fact i am constantly being bombarded with new priorities. I am slowly getting there but it's hard my supportive significant other has been there for me and she has been understanding and loving towards me so my life isn't too bleak at the moment.
My simple ask boils down to this, Autism is common in our society and there are many of us living in isolation feeling secluded because noone took the time to say even "Hello" to us. In truth my life may not be the hardest life ever led by anyone and i do not wish to have sympathy. I just want to create a dialogue between autistics like myself and neurotypicals. If you give us that 5 extra minutes of your patience we can try to share our ideas and experiences with you and you can do the same for us let us exchange ideas, let us create common ground between eachother. For we as autistics should try to understand neurotypicals and they should try to understand us.
But, why stop there?
Why not for all stratas of human society can we not simply discuss our differences and try to come to some understanding? Instead of protesting and rallying behind causes or bullying others into believing what we believe lets simply just listen. No witchhunts no accusations for there is no blame we should live blamelessly. Yes, discrimination is wrong and those who act on it should be punished but it is equally wrong for those who believe they have superior morality to bully people in their own thought systems it's literally doing the same thing and you hurt your cause more than you support it by doing so.
I am but another human living within this universe my blood is red and i dream, get angry, love, become sad, become happy, live and celebrate just like everyone else.
Lets make connections, lets finally live in the unified world we all so desperately dream of...
Thank you for listening,
I hope your days are bright