Newly diagnosed with mild ASD at 43

Trogluddite said:

(me too - I can procrastinate at Olympic medal level!)

Congratulations! :-)

I am just now starting to discover the reasons behind procrastinating. I'm reading an excellent book in Dutch, about more peace and less stress with Autism, it's great. It comes close to being my users' manual. And it also points out that when tasks or stuff is too jumbled in your head it just becomes insurmountable. I mean even things like getting ready to leave the house. It is so true I get nervous and stressed for stupid stuff.

It is a bit embarassing to have to give in and start making detailed plans and lists - but it is magic, the other day it really halved my stress :-) So that leaves me feeling rather hopeful (eventhough it is acutely embarassing having lists lying around everywhere with the most stupid and personal kinds of stuff.

Trogluddite said:

Now that I've completed the assessment, it does somehow feel like a part of "growing up" never happened for me.

I wonder what part that is. Is it never learning to veneer over our insecurities and imperfections and never learning to play a role? Do most people learn to play their own role in life? And do we always start from scratch with an open mind? (As mentioned in the discussion on this forum which I found enlightening about playing roles at work :-) ).

Trogluddite said:

It's hard sometimes not to dwell on the things that the folks around us seem to achieve so much more easily, even now we know that there was always a good reason for the difference.

I've always felt it was my own fault. And plenty of people with autism are successful and do get things done. So I don't really feel I can blame all on ASD. But maybe I need to stop being quite so angry about not being able to get things done.

Trogluddite said:

You may be surprised how much of your tiredness etc. are cause by ASD.  I've had two total burn-outs in the past that each led to me having give up work.  Being autistic in a world where most people aren't really is very tiring - we're having to do stuff the long way around all the time, whereas most other people have instincts that give them a shortcut through so many social situations.  It's a bit like being in a foreign country where you are the only bi-lingual person - so the effort of 'translation' always falls on your shoulders.

Exactly!!!! Yes, I like your example of being the only translator around. I am more aware now, that in social situations where I feel totally awful (and I often only realise it when I am on my own again) where you feel bad because someone gave you a strange look and you try and figure out what it was about and then it hits you like a bombshell. It is good, to finally have a diagnosis. Because it kind of lifts the blame of just me being all wrong to me belonging to a group of people who might also feel like this.

Trogluddite said:

To reach our 40's without a diagnosis, we will probably have suppressed many of our autistic traits, and that can become a source of stress and anxiety so pervasive that we don't even realise it's happening (not knowing we're autistic forces us to treat this extra burden as "normal").

Yes yes yes :-) indeed. Actually we need to give ourselves some kudos, being so strong and keeping going most of the time. Whist some others are used to whistling through life walking a beautiful garden path with the occasional weeds they have no clue that we are clambering through a snake-ridden, swampy jungle on bare feet.

Trogluddite said:

In turn, that can manifest as physical problems, especially as we get older.  I realised for the first time during evaluation that my muscles are very often much more tensed than they need to be - but years of 'practice' had trained me to not notice myself doing it, nor to notice the discomfort that it caused for hours at a time.

yes, the muscle thing is very interesing. I haven't read much about it, but I think there are links also to dyspraxia and adhd which I was diagnosed with a few years before. 

Because I also tense my muscles when I have to concentrate. Also I'm interested in a heightened startle-reflex: like when I hear a phone or doorbell - my muscles spasm.

Is that because all social contact causes the fight or flee reflex - we tend to react too physically/defensively to social contact? (I read that about this reaction in a book recently). So we get to much cortisol or stress hormones chronically. Which is not so good for our health.

I was fascinated to read that IBS, ME, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and fibromyalgia occur more often in Aspergers? (Was it in Aspergirls I read this?) I think this sounds kind of logical. If we are far more sensitive this would not just be the senses, but possibly, for example, also a more sensitive immune system?

For instance scientists recently discovered that people with fibromyalgia have more nerve paths in their blood vessels. Which would give credit to the idea that it is not just psychological.

Trogluddite said:

Having said all that, sometimes the reverse can be true.  It is common for autistic people to have a different kind of awareness of their own body - which can sometimes mask physical symptoms that others might routinely report to their doctor.  There's no harm in getting a check-up just for peace of minf, especially if you've tested positively for Lyme disease already.

:( I have a feeling that all my physical symptoms are being put down to being "psychological" which I find intensely frustrating. To me it is obvious that the psychological and physical and neurological very much influence each other. I see the immune system as another sense (like smelling, and seeing and touching).

Over here, doctors do not believe in Chronic Lyme disease. So they will only treat you if you have a swollen knee or meningitis or other very clear acute symptoms, they are not interested in long term effects.  I find it a bit worrying because there seem to be links to serious systemic diseases (the lyme bacterium is a cousin of the syphilis bacterium - crafty naughty and very intelligent). Sigh.

Trogluddite said:

The whole "geek" thing is is just one of many, many stereotypes and misconceptions about Asperger's and autism.  The spectrum is way, way more diverse than most people realise.  Even if you are a computer programming nerd like me, people will just find something else to get wrong (why do they they always assume I must also like super-hero movies and online gaming? - yuk!).

:-) so you have told friends, colleagues and others about your diagnosis? I feel rather apprehensive. Part of me would like to know if I am blatantly aspie in their eyes anyway. But I am still confused because I see myself as warm, outgoing and sociable (even if it gives me lots stress and makes me tired). 

Very interested in the diversity. I also think that the trouble we experience with ASD depends on the situation we are in. I mean a goldfish can survive in an acquarium, even though it would rather be in a pond. But put it in a hot bath with bubble bath and the goldfish is in trouble. (by the way - I drive an aspie friend of mine crazy with my metaphors. Does it bother you ;-)?

Trogluddite said:

(me too - I can procrastinate at Olympic medal level!)

Congratulations! :-)

I am just now starting to discover the reasons behind procrastinating. I'm reading an excellent book in Dutch, about more peace and less stress with Autism, it's great. It comes close to being my users' manual. And it also points out that when tasks or stuff is too jumbled in your head it just becomes insurmountable. I mean even things like getting ready to leave the house. It is so true I get nervous and stressed for stupid stuff.

It is a bit embarassing to have to give in and start making detailed plans and lists - but it is magic, the other day it really halved my stress :-) So that leaves me feeling rather hopeful (eventhough it is acutely embarassing having lists lying around everywhere with the most stupid and personal kinds of stuff.

Trogluddite said:

Now that I've completed the assessment, it does somehow feel like a part of "growing up" never happened for me.

I wonder what part that is. Is it never learning to veneer over our insecurities and imperfections and never learning to play a role? Do most people learn to play their own role in life? And do we always start from scratch with an open mind? (As mentioned in the discussion on this forum which I found enlightening about playing roles at work :-) ).

Trogluddite said:

It's hard sometimes not to dwell on the things that the folks around us seem to achieve so much more easily, even now we know that there was always a good reason for the difference.

I've always felt it was my own fault. And plenty of people with autism are successful and do get things done. So I don't really feel I can blame all on ASD. But maybe I need to stop being quite so angry about not being able to get things done.

Trogluddite said:

You may be surprised how much of your tiredness etc. are cause by ASD.  I've had two total burn-outs in the past that each led to me having give up work.  Being autistic in a world where most people aren't really is very tiring - we're having to do stuff the long way around all the time, whereas most other people have instincts that give them a shortcut through so many social situations.  It's a bit like being in a foreign country where you are the only bi-lingual person - so the effort of 'translation' always falls on your shoulders.

Exactly!!!! Yes, I like your example of being the only translator around. I am more aware now, that in social situations where I feel totally awful (and I often only realise it when I am on my own again) where you feel bad because someone gave you a strange look and you try and figure out what it was about and then it hits you like a bombshell. It is good, to finally have a diagnosis. Because it kind of lifts the blame of just me being all wrong to me belonging to a group of people who might also feel like this.

Trogluddite said:

To reach our 40's without a diagnosis, we will probably have suppressed many of our autistic traits, and that can become a source of stress and anxiety so pervasive that we don't even realise it's happening (not knowing we're autistic forces us to treat this extra burden as "normal").

Yes yes yes :-) indeed. Actually we need to give ourselves some kudos, being so strong and keeping going most of the time. Whist some others are used to whistling through life walking a beautiful garden path with the occasional weeds they have no clue that we are clambering through a snake-ridden, swampy jungle on bare feet.

Trogluddite said:

In turn, that can manifest as physical problems, especially as we get older.  I realised for the first time during evaluation that my muscles are very often much more tensed than they need to be - but years of 'practice' had trained me to not notice myself doing it, nor to notice the discomfort that it caused for hours at a time.

yes, the muscle thing is very interesing. I haven't read much about it, but I think there are links also to dyspraxia and adhd which I was diagnosed with a few years before. 

Because I also tense my muscles when I have to concentrate. Also I'm interested in a heightened startle-reflex: like when I hear a phone or doorbell - my muscles spasm.

Is that because all social contact causes the fight or flee reflex - we tend to react too physically/defensively to social contact? (I read that about this reaction in a book recently). So we get to much cortisol or stress hormones chronically. Which is not so good for our health.

I was fascinated to read that IBS, ME, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and fibromyalgia occur more often in Aspergers? (Was it in Aspergirls I read this?) I think this sounds kind of logical. If we are far more sensitive this would not just be the senses, but possibly, for example, also a more sensitive immune system?

For instance scientists recently discovered that people with fibromyalgia have more nerve paths in their blood vessels. Which would give credit to the idea that it is not just psychological.

Trogluddite said:

Having said all that, sometimes the reverse can be true.  It is common for autistic people to have a different kind of awareness of their own body - which can sometimes mask physical symptoms that others might routinely report to their doctor.  There's no harm in getting a check-up just for peace of minf, especially if you've tested positively for Lyme disease already.

:( I have a feeling that all my physical symptoms are being put down to being "psychological" which I find intensely frustrating. To me it is obvious that the psychological and physical and neurological very much influence each other. I see the immune system as another sense (like smelling, and seeing and touching).

Over here, doctors do not believe in Chronic Lyme disease. So they will only treat you if you have a swollen knee or meningitis or other very clear acute symptoms, they are not interested in long term effects.  I find it a bit worrying because there seem to be links to serious systemic diseases (the lyme bacterium is a cousin of the syphilis bacterium - crafty naughty and very intelligent). Sigh.

Trogluddite said:

The whole "geek" thing is is just one of many, many stereotypes and misconceptions about Asperger's and autism.  The spectrum is way, way more diverse than most people realise.  Even if you are a computer programming nerd like me, people will just find something else to get wrong (why do they they always assume I must also like super-hero movies and online gaming? - yuk!).

:-) so you have told friends, colleagues and others about your diagnosis? I feel rather apprehensive. Part of me would like to know if I am blatantly aspie in their eyes anyway. But I am still confused because I see myself as warm, outgoing and sociable (even if it gives me lots stress and makes me tired). 

Very interested in the diversity. I also think that the trouble we experience with ASD depends on the situation we are in. I mean a goldfish can survive in an acquarium, even though it would rather be in a pond. But put it in a hot bath with bubble bath and the goldfish is in trouble. (by the way - I drive an aspie friend of mine crazy with my metaphors. Does it bother you ;-)?