Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello
I am newly diagnosed with mild ASD at 43. I'm especially sad at being childless - and this is a difficult time for me trying to understand what went wrong and how I can try and build a meaningful life for myself. Sometimes I wonder if it still can be fixed and I might still meet the ideal partner and still be a parent. But on the other hand, I've never had a relationship, so it is kind of unlikely. I'm not sure it would work anyway. I am curious if there are other people here who are childless by circumstance and suffer and feel sad about it.
I'm still coming to grips with the diagnosis because on the one hand it does explain a lot about how difficult school, social stuff and jobs were. On the other hand I don't completely recognize myself in the ASD "stereotype" as I believe myself to be overly empathetic, absorbing other people's emotions wherever I go. I am also more an extrovert and come across warm and outgoing (so people say). I tend to be the person all people come to with their problems. I am also not good at meticulous work (definitely not a computer geek, have adhd (original diagnosis) and find planning and organizing challenging). I had a burn-out at work, now I understand more that it was too taxing for me.
I don't fully believe it is only the ASD though, which causes my energy problems and chronic issues with tendon, muscle and joint pains (they say it is all due to the stress of overcompensating with ASD) but I sometimes wonder if it is also due to something physical (I tested positive for lyme disease).
Interested to meet others with similar experiences.
Hi Random
Thank you for your reply. I'm sorry if my comment about me not identifying with the more scientific aspergers kind of person was hurtful in any way. I am not British and "Geek" has stronger negative connotations as does "Nerd" than what I intended. Although I have friends who happily use it with regard to themselves. Probably the rule is one shouldn't use it except with regard to oneself?
I meant that not being scientifically-brained makes me feel shy to say I have aspergers because I don't feel smart in that way and am not good at concentrating on details. But anyway over here aspergers no longer is a diagnosis anyway so the ASD umbrella kind of covers everything without having to justify.
Rationally it seems a good call not to reproduce - as indeed there is the hereditary stuff, and I also suffered at school (but I was lucky to have a warm, loving home). Thing is the more I get in tune with myself, there is something very instinctive and maternal going on - and I just wish I had tuned into myself twenty years ago. But then I always feel I am twenty years behind schedule. And for a female timing is of the essence in these things :(
Your diagnosis is also recent. For me too, what I thought was very rational and ideological reasoning probably has more to do with ASD than with real choice. My inability to take initiative, make decisions and plan ahead has somehow neutered what dreams I had for my life. So I can identify with what you say about first thinking: "Oh, it's just mild ASD." And then thinking: "Woops, this kind of is the reason my life looks like this". If that makes sense.