Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello
I am newly diagnosed with mild ASD at 43. I'm especially sad at being childless - and this is a difficult time for me trying to understand what went wrong and how I can try and build a meaningful life for myself. Sometimes I wonder if it still can be fixed and I might still meet the ideal partner and still be a parent. But on the other hand, I've never had a relationship, so it is kind of unlikely. I'm not sure it would work anyway. I am curious if there are other people here who are childless by circumstance and suffer and feel sad about it.
I'm still coming to grips with the diagnosis because on the one hand it does explain a lot about how difficult school, social stuff and jobs were. On the other hand I don't completely recognize myself in the ASD "stereotype" as I believe myself to be overly empathetic, absorbing other people's emotions wherever I go. I am also more an extrovert and come across warm and outgoing (so people say). I tend to be the person all people come to with their problems. I am also not good at meticulous work (definitely not a computer geek, have adhd (original diagnosis) and find planning and organizing challenging). I had a burn-out at work, now I understand more that it was too taxing for me.
I don't fully believe it is only the ASD though, which causes my energy problems and chronic issues with tendon, muscle and joint pains (they say it is all due to the stress of overcompensating with ASD) but I sometimes wonder if it is also due to something physical (I tested positive for lyme disease).
Interested to meet others with similar experiences.
I am childless at 49, but not particularly sad about it. I would like to be in a relationship far more than I would like to be a parent. My childhood and early adulthood was very tough, and I came to the decision that I didn't want children if there was any chance they may have to suffer like I have. I would be absolutely devastated to know or see a child of mine to endure even a small part of what I went through. I didn't know I had aspergers and its heredetory links, so its causing me some problems to look back on that decision.
Having said that, if I had been able to establish a relationship, I may well have had kids if my partner wanted them, and would have devoted myself to them. I would like to think that if I was a father myself, I would not have treated my children like my father did. That again is causing some difficulty to deal within myself as it is likely my father has aspergers.
I was diagnosed in August last year, initially I felt I was only mildly affected by asc, but have since been shocked at what a wide ranging effect it has had on my life
I have been labelled as a computer geek occaisionally, I don't like all the negative connotations that go with it, which as far as I can make out are typical asperger traits. I am reasonably sociable, but it causes me a lot of anxiety. It always pains me to mention my career as a web developer, but it pays well, and one of the professions where asc is tollerated more than others.