Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello people. I've just been diagnosed after 56 years of feeling like an alien, 35 years going through the mental health system that consistently failed to notice what might be the matter, and having a messed up working life because of my problems, which has left to low income and low prospects despite my IQ of 154. As my worst stresser is noise I have moved on average every 2 years since I hit 21 and left the parental home. It's been a tough journey, with some bright patches, and I guess most of you here will understand what I have tried to explain to various 'professionals' down the years, who have been totally nonplussed by my attempts to explain how life feels for me - i.e. in the right environment I function 100%, in the wrong one I fall apart. My response to getting this late diagnosis is one of relief, and to finally start pulling together my life story for publication. Since childhood I've always been told I'm a gifted writer, so here's a way of doing something I hope will be catharctic. (I also love to sing and used to write my own music). Since day to day living continues to be a huge and exhausting battle, and with little hope of respite on the horizon (no money, no home of my own, no sign of work having been pushed out of a job in July because I could no longer cope in the environment) things are not looking good, but I am prepared to keep on keeping on because that's all I know how to do. I know one other Aspie, he lives in the Orkneys, and I'm in the Midlands so feel pretty isolated here. Having a particularly bad day so coming here to 'talk' where I will be understood. Thanks for reading. xx
Thank you for reading and replying. Wow, I am not the oldest, then! :) I was told during my diagnosis appointment that they were seeing people in their 60s and later. My father - almost certainly AS - lived to 84 without a diagnosis. I know he had a terribly difficult life. I am fortunate to have got my diagnosis because knowledge is power, and it now means that I canwork on what I need. I totally understand that bit about the environment - I am worn thin with so many years of trying to cope, but somehow I always bounce back. Though it takes more energy now. I have a lot to give, I do not feel I am in my 50s, and when I am singing or writing or being out in nature with my beloved dogs, and with people I know and love, I am happy. I feel lucky that - probably due to the person I am - I still get so excited every spring to see the new life, which so many don't even seem to notice. How I can delight at bird song that leaves others unmoved. Just two tiny examples. Having AS is a real trade off - it's like you have these gifts of seeing the world so vividly, and being creative, but the trade off is feeling like you have a skin too few. On the whole, except when I am having a horrible day like today and the mental pain seems unbearable, I would not swap to become 'normal' - how dull that would seem. x