20yr old m son with aspergers... i cant cope!

The OP wanted suggestions on a postcard for what to do next. My aim on this, and the other similar thread, has been to suggest that there are things to be done. There are no magic answers. No one single thing will transform the situation but that does not mean that nothing is worth doing.

The mind is a "plastic" organ that can be trained and educated to hold different opinions and to understand how to change the way it thinks. The plasticity is limited and it has to work against its natural reflexes and the contradictory messages that it receives. This is the principal behind cognitive behavioural therapy. The brain can change its mind. It can enter a state of depression or anxiety if it receives enough discouraging messages. It can recover from this state of depression if the onslaught of discouragement abates and it realises that the future is brighter, more managable, more optimistic than it thought at its lowest ebb. Some people are chemically predisposed to depression and some of these people respond to drugs. People with Aspergers typically don't respond to drugs but they are often equipped to deal with exogenous depression medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/exogenous depression through CBT as they have intact cognitive abilities.

For the CBT to work it is likely to be necessary for all those in contact with the subject to learn the principles and to make every attempt to assist this process. The battle lines between the subject and family have to be torn up. Hostilities must cease. Exhorting the subject to try harder will be counter productive as the subject is likely to be defeated by failure.

In addition to learning about CBT, it is useful for the close family to study Aspergers and Tony Attwoods complete guide is the place to start. I have been slowly reading this and came across the section in it on why people retreat to their bedrooms. So much of the book reminded me of my own childhood, almost every paragraph describes the things I did and the thoughts that I had. Tony has got right inside the condition and I believe that a thoughtful understanding of the condition can only help in trying to unpick the tangled mess that has developed in these reclusive hermits.

I have an unwavering conviction that these people should not be abandoned to their apparent fate.

CC touches on some valid points about why these kids end up like this. My main comment on that is that it agrees with the idea that an individual's history leads to different degrees of morbidity. I believe that it follows from that that it is likely that changing the individuals future path will change their future degree of morbidity.

There are agencies and individuals who can help these processes. NAS can help identify how this can be done and how it can be funded if necessary.

None of the above is quackery or outwith current conventional psychiatry or psychology. None of it relies on miraculous mystic powers and equally, none of it will have a dramatic overnight transformation. None of it will cure the Aspergers. That is as fixed as a person's intelligence or skin colour. The processes take time and patience and understanding. Please, do not surrender, the struggle will yield results. There is no place in this struggle for guilt or anger. Except, if you do nothing then you will always wonder what might have happened and I would be angry that a vulnerable person had been abandoned. The past cannot be changed but the future is a quite different place.

The OP wanted suggestions on a postcard for what to do next. My aim on this, and the other similar thread, has been to suggest that there are things to be done. There are no magic answers. No one single thing will transform the situation but that does not mean that nothing is worth doing.

The mind is a "plastic" organ that can be trained and educated to hold different opinions and to understand how to change the way it thinks. The plasticity is limited and it has to work against its natural reflexes and the contradictory messages that it receives. This is the principal behind cognitive behavioural therapy. The brain can change its mind. It can enter a state of depression or anxiety if it receives enough discouraging messages. It can recover from this state of depression if the onslaught of discouragement abates and it realises that the future is brighter, more managable, more optimistic than it thought at its lowest ebb. Some people are chemically predisposed to depression and some of these people respond to drugs. People with Aspergers typically don't respond to drugs but they are often equipped to deal with exogenous depression medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/exogenous depression through CBT as they have intact cognitive abilities.

For the CBT to work it is likely to be necessary for all those in contact with the subject to learn the principles and to make every attempt to assist this process. The battle lines between the subject and family have to be torn up. Hostilities must cease. Exhorting the subject to try harder will be counter productive as the subject is likely to be defeated by failure.

In addition to learning about CBT, it is useful for the close family to study Aspergers and Tony Attwoods complete guide is the place to start. I have been slowly reading this and came across the section in it on why people retreat to their bedrooms. So much of the book reminded me of my own childhood, almost every paragraph describes the things I did and the thoughts that I had. Tony has got right inside the condition and I believe that a thoughtful understanding of the condition can only help in trying to unpick the tangled mess that has developed in these reclusive hermits.

I have an unwavering conviction that these people should not be abandoned to their apparent fate.

CC touches on some valid points about why these kids end up like this. My main comment on that is that it agrees with the idea that an individual's history leads to different degrees of morbidity. I believe that it follows from that that it is likely that changing the individuals future path will change their future degree of morbidity.

There are agencies and individuals who can help these processes. NAS can help identify how this can be done and how it can be funded if necessary.

None of the above is quackery or outwith current conventional psychiatry or psychology. None of it relies on miraculous mystic powers and equally, none of it will have a dramatic overnight transformation. None of it will cure the Aspergers. That is as fixed as a person's intelligence or skin colour. The processes take time and patience and understanding. Please, do not surrender, the struggle will yield results. There is no place in this struggle for guilt or anger. Except, if you do nothing then you will always wonder what might have happened and I would be angry that a vulnerable person had been abandoned. The past cannot be changed but the future is a quite different place.