Published on 12, July, 2020
hello, i am new here. i would really appreciate advice how to help my 16 year old son. He has never been diagnosed with autism, but i strongly feel he is on the spectrum. He has always found making friends hard, and has only had one proper friend in secondary school. He is ok talking to someone he sits next to in class, because it is structured. during breaks he cannot cope as well. He has lots of other little issues which add up to big problems for me to know how to support him. He wont go to hairdressers, dentist or shave. he is very open to me, but cannot explain why he finds these things difficult, he just says he is different from other people. He worries about everyday life, and needs to bounce on his trampoline for half an hour at the end of each day. if he cant get onto his trampoline he get distressed, so it is a compulsion and coping mechanism. my main problem now is that his best friend at school as left to go to another sixth form. My son has tried to approach other groups at school, but just doesnt quite fit in. He say no one wants to talk to him or be his friend. my son says he hates who he is, and no one wants to know him.My son would never cope with a diagnosis of autism, and doesnt want help with a counsellor. i feel we have got to the stage when he might need some help, and wondered if anyone can recommend what type of help has helped their child. for the past week since going back to school, he hasnt come out of his room much. he doesnt cope with changes well, and had 3 months off school over the summer due to gcses. this hasnt done him any good as he has become very isolated and lost alot of confidence. sorry to go on and on, i would just love some support from someone who has a child similar to mine, and know how best i can support him. thank you so much.
Have you mentioned your concerns that he may be autistic to him? I remember all too well going through similar feelings of feeling different and an outsider at that age without a diagnosis, and I refused to see the counsellor as well. It is an awkward age for broaching diagnosis because you want to fit in and do not want to be identified with anything that could be seen as yet another marker of difference. However in time your son might start to want answers for himself as I did, but this happened for me only after things came to a head when I was 19 years old and reluctantly agreed to visit the GP. Does your son have any strong interests that give him pleasure? Interests can be a real source of comfort at stressful times for people with autism.
It sounds like he could be autistic from what you write, and I do think it is better to get a diagnosis sooner rather than later. Do the school have any concerns? Not all schools pick up on this, my secondary school was hopelessly inadequate in identifying my social issues which were blindingly obvious.