Hello am new to this website and although i have read alot about it am still abit unsure how to say what i need to.
Ok so i knew from a very early age i did not fit in. I have always felt like am in my own little world. My female parent knew it to and tried to get some support to help us both.
We went to see the doctor and later a psycologist who told my female parent that the reason i was so challenging was possibly due to having autism.
So i was put on the autistic spectrum. It was a scary time and i rebelled alot. Now i sort of had a reason to why i did not fit in. But it was not the reason i wanted. I just wanted to be like everyone else, so did try my best.
But it did not work. So my world means my world. A world that is isolating,that makes sense only to me. I need my routines, my rituals, my space.
Thing is if i try to venture out of my world i get confused, used, shouted at and made to feel bad.
So i stay alone, no friends, a family who just does not understand me and my room.
I consider trees as my friends, as i go and talk to them alot when am not sitting in my room watching my life go by. Always to scared to join in.
I had a meltdown at the start of the year and had to go into hospital for a while. It was a very traumatic experience. I did get to have a chat to a nice lady from The National Autistic Socity.
Ok so she was a pyscatrist but one who knew just what to say to make me feel better. She told me she had looked at all my notes and history and told me that i do not has autism but aspergers syndrom.
Things have been worse since them. Its hard to put into words but i feel like everything i ever was is gone now. Everything i ever though about myself wasnt really real.
Now i understand why am treated the way i am. I cant give eye contact, am considered rude, uncaring, boring, self obsessed and a pain, my social skills are terrible.
No body seems to care what am good at (even if it does seem boring to some)
As i already have a diognosis of being on the autistic spectrum am not seen as a high priority and so am left waiting for an appointment to be assessed for a diognosis of aspergers.
With out a diognosis my advocate says i cant get any support or advice. And so am left feeling alone. and thats all the time now.
