Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello am new to this website and although i have read alot about it am still abit unsure how to say what i need to.
Ok so i knew from a very early age i did not fit in. I have always felt like am in my own little world. My female parent knew it to and tried to get some support to help us both.
We went to see the doctor and later a psycologist who told my female parent that the reason i was so challenging was possibly due to having autism.
So i was put on the autistic spectrum. It was a scary time and i rebelled alot. Now i sort of had a reason to why i did not fit in. But it was not the reason i wanted. I just wanted to be like everyone else, so did try my best.
But it did not work. So my world means my world. A world that is isolating,that makes sense only to me. I need my routines, my rituals, my space.
Thing is if i try to venture out of my world i get confused, used, shouted at and made to feel bad.
So i stay alone, no friends, a family who just does not understand me and my room.
I consider trees as my friends, as i go and talk to them alot when am not sitting in my room watching my life go by. Always to scared to join in.
I had a meltdown at the start of the year and had to go into hospital for a while. It was a very traumatic experience. I did get to have a chat to a nice lady from The National Autistic Socity.
Ok so she was a pyscatrist but one who knew just what to say to make me feel better. She told me she had looked at all my notes and history and told me that i do not has autism but aspergers syndrom.
Things have been worse since them. Its hard to put into words but i feel like everything i ever was is gone now. Everything i ever though about myself wasnt really real.
Now i understand why am treated the way i am. I cant give eye contact, am considered rude, uncaring, boring, self obsessed and a pain, my social skills are terrible.
No body seems to care what am good at (even if it does seem boring to some)
As i already have a diognosis of being on the autistic spectrum am not seen as a high priority and so am left waiting for an appointment to be assessed for a diognosis of aspergers.
With out a diognosis my advocate says i cant get any support or advice. And so am left feeling alone. and thats all the time now.
Hi Meskar, welcome to the forum. We are all friends here.
Aspergers is just part of the Autistic spectrum, not something different. It is at the high functioning end of the spectrum, which I think, just means you are intelligent and capable of doing lots of things.
Social skills are difficult for us. I learned a lot by sitting with people, but not joining in much, just watching and listening. As long as you do not stare at people, I think they might just accept that you are quiet, for now. If you learn about what interests the people around you, you will acquire lots of information. I am a people watcher and love to listen in on other peoples conversations, discretely. Over the years, I have accumulated a little bit of knowledge on lots of subjects. As you get to know people, you can ask questions and increase your knowledge. Eventually, you will be able to chat with people, because you will know lots of different things.
I have tended to bore people at times and regularly feel that I offend people. If I get things wrong, I keep a low profile for a while, until things blow over. Don't cut yourself off from people, but watch and learn, and let them learn about you. We may never be popular, but we can find our niche.
I have no diagnosis, and at my age, am unlikely to ever get one. There is always help and advice here and a sympathetic ear. If you have any specific problem, then you will find someone here who has been through something similar.
Best wishes