Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
I recently discovered I am autistic, completely accidentally. I went to a meeting with three male colleagues and met two ladies whose grown-up sons are autistic. One of the chaps had printed out some information on autism for me to read, before we met the ladies. What a revelation! I thought....' I'm like that' and, 'that's what I do'! This went on for the majority of the points on the paper. I just knew this was me. I knew that for as long as I can remember I have felt 'different', and not really a part of things, no matter what I tried, or what group I joined.
I contacted the support lady at college, who put me onto another support lady, Helen, who is an autism expert. Helen and I had a meeting, and I was stunned! It made me cry, through relief at knowing what was wrong with me, and for the fact that I could have been diagnosed years ago (but maybe I couldn't, as apparently, it wasn't heard of years ago)
Helen said I didn't have to be diagnosed, I could just know for myself that I am autistic, but I said I wanted to be diagnosed, as that would make it 'official'. She said she agreed, and she also said that it might help when I start university in September. I should point out that I am an (allegedly!) mature student, being 50.
I keep going over things in my head. One of the things I've always loved doing is exploring Britain, just taking off in my company car, when I was employed full-time, and feeling the freedom and spontaneity. I always thought this was 'just me' and I couldn't really say why I loved it, and freedom, so much. Now, I understand that this is one of they 'things' of autism, and I'm devastated about that! I feel that the whole of my life has been ruled by autism, but I didn't know it. I feel like it's all been a bit of a 'lie', and it's that which is upsetting me, more than actually knowing about the autism, itself. How can I come to terms with this, and accept it? I don't want to 'lose' this love of the countryside, and exploring, but would I still be able to do it, but without resentment, knowing that it's autistic?
Hi Carrie,
People are different and you like the countryside and (I would guess) the solitude and peace that that brings. I don't see why that would stop now just because you have discovered you may be autistic. You can continue to enjoy it and understand better why you enjoy it.
I got to 56 before I needed a diagnosis. It explains an awful lot of things that have happened since childhood. It wasn't known about then and I haven't had a bad life so I do sometimes think "what if..." but I now have some extra knowledge to make my future better so I don't get bogged down in regrets.
There may be a significant benefit in having a proper diagnosis if you are embarking on a college course - mainly as you will understand yourself better and you will be better able to work things out and react to situations better. It doesn't suddenly bring extra help and solutions but it is a thing to think about when you hit a problem. College may have some strategies to teach you and may provide some help too.