Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
I recently discovered I am autistic, completely accidentally. I went to a meeting with three male colleagues and met two ladies whose grown-up sons are autistic. One of the chaps had printed out some information on autism for me to read, before we met the ladies. What a revelation! I thought....' I'm like that' and, 'that's what I do'! This went on for the majority of the points on the paper. I just knew this was me. I knew that for as long as I can remember I have felt 'different', and not really a part of things, no matter what I tried, or what group I joined.
I contacted the support lady at college, who put me onto another support lady, Helen, who is an autism expert. Helen and I had a meeting, and I was stunned! It made me cry, through relief at knowing what was wrong with me, and for the fact that I could have been diagnosed years ago (but maybe I couldn't, as apparently, it wasn't heard of years ago)
Helen said I didn't have to be diagnosed, I could just know for myself that I am autistic, but I said I wanted to be diagnosed, as that would make it 'official'. She said she agreed, and she also said that it might help when I start university in September. I should point out that I am an (allegedly!) mature student, being 50.
I keep going over things in my head. One of the things I've always loved doing is exploring Britain, just taking off in my company car, when I was employed full-time, and feeling the freedom and spontaneity. I always thought this was 'just me' and I couldn't really say why I loved it, and freedom, so much. Now, I understand that this is one of they 'things' of autism, and I'm devastated about that! I feel that the whole of my life has been ruled by autism, but I didn't know it. I feel like it's all been a bit of a 'lie', and it's that which is upsetting me, more than actually knowing about the autism, itself. How can I come to terms with this, and accept it? I don't want to 'lose' this love of the countryside, and exploring, but would I still be able to do it, but without resentment, knowing that it's autistic?
Hi Carrie, welcome aboard. I discovered recently too, and am in my 60s. With increasing awareness of autism, many of us are discovering that this is the answer to many years of wondering why we are different from those around us.
You have come to the forum without the usual tales of a life of struggling to cope with working life and environment. If you are content with your life, just carry on as you are, enjoying what you enjoy. You are still the person you were when you did not know about autism.
Re diagnosis, this is a problem for some, especially if you have no current mental health issues. I tried to tackle my local community mental health team and their response was, that I do not need their help right now, but I can go back to them if things take a turn for the worse. In other words, no official diagnosis.
Mental health departments are short of money. They are focusing on those in the greatest need. The younger you are, the greater the chance of getting help. There is little community support for the autistic community, and it appears to be patchy. I come here for information and support and have found it in great abundance.