Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I'm the mother of a 14yr old daughter just waiting to be assessed by the EP in school after the consultant and speech therapist said a definite yes. I have struggled for years with her behaviour and asked for help but no one listened until now she is in senior school and struggling ever day day with simplest things. I am at the end of my tether trying to deal with her. Every meltdown she has results in guilt which makes her very low. I have paid for counselling and she has been seeing CAMHS for months don't knoa what else to do
Hi 'livelaughlove'
It is such a shame your daughter feels guilty after a melt-down - I presume she struggles with expressing her feelings and hits out which makes her feel bad?
We have just been through the toughest time with our wonderful daughter (15) but we have learned together and take one day at a time.
Our daughter was diagnosed with semantic pragmatic disorder when she was six & we were told by an expert that she hadn't autism. Consequently all the professionals who saw her ,followed like sheep & concluded the same! Girls do seem to mask their problems and try to blend in with the crowd (you may have found this). Our daughter's problems with communication and friendship difficulties were managed at high school in Y7 & 8 but Y9 the hormones were adding to her cocktail of problems. School mis-managed her in Y9 and it wasn't until we got a diagnosis of autism in Sept last year that school started to take things & us more seriously.
In the end we took control and between us all (SENCO, EP, Clin Psyche) devised a 'part-time bespoke time-table' where our daughter goes to school for 3 GCSE subjects and studies English and Maths at home with the aid of on-line teaching and a tutor, provided by county. We looked at a Special School but felt that it was unfair to make her start again at somewhere that didn't entirely meet her needs.
The up-shot is that I am at home making sure that she has quiet time when she is over-whelmed by things. We organise family life at her pace and try to accomodate our NT son as well. We try to focus on the positives and let her lead as much as possible and listen and encourage all the time.
Each teenager is different, but triggers of noise, friendship issues, hormones, affect our kids and cause melt-downs - it sounds like things at school are not helping her and her needs are not being properly met. Does your daughter have help at school? Does she have somewhere to go at breaktimes or lunch if she is struggling with the hustle and bustle of school? Do you have help and support for yourself?- I now attend a monthly Autism Support Group set up by County ( The Carer's Act 2015 is now meant to help carers who need support too - look into local support or ask at your GP's). The NAS helpline will also point you in the right direction and there is help on this site giving hints and tips.
I have been on this forum since last June and am still learning- people on this forum are really supportive. Coogybear and others have a shed load of experience, so look her up. Tony Attwood's book " The Complete Guide to Aspergers" has a good section on girls and autism - the more understanding you have the easier it will be to tune in to the problems your daughter is experiencing.
It will get better with the right support, so hang in there!
Y'Lass