parent of a 21 year old with Asperges and ADHD

Thanks for replying, I will try briefly to describe my son. We adopted him at rising 7, we were told he had learning difficulties. He was very small, size 18-24 month clothes, thick glasses for eye problems and cute. He would have 3 hour tantrums, wreck his bedroom and could be physically very challenging. After a long fight we eventually saw a psychiatrist ( through the adoption unit) who diagnosed ADHD. Medication helped and H said it helped shut off the voices. School was a nightmare but we all survived primary school (great head really cared). We moved him out of mainstream high school after a number of disasters and fought the LEA to fund a specialist school. 

The Psychiatrist saw H until he was 18 although she was children's services and he was out of her remit and in her hand over letter to our GP she dropped Aspergers into the mix. We then had a nightmare time trying g to get his medication, the GP said he couldn't prescribe and we couldn't get a psychiatrist. The Mental Health nurse took pity on us and said she could try for help based on the aspergers. H went to the aspergers East Anglia group meets for a few weeks and then said they had closed and he wouldn't go anymore. I did have many chats with them for guidance on how to help my son and they suggested his actions sounded very much like PDA and  gave me some really interesting reading. I did do an OU psychology degree when we couldn't get help as I thought if I understood then it might be easier. Nothing I read there sounded like H but he fitted completely with PDA, even H recognised himself in the leaflet. Leaflet in hand we again hassled our GP and eventually saw a psychiatrist who agreed with Aspergers but wouldn't be as specific as PDA as it was only just being recognised. He suggested anxiety tablets and these do help H is more able to do things, he has subsequently passed his driving test, been on a Prices Trust team builging course and is now a Music College and loving it. The problems are when he is not a college, he does nothing apart from sit in front of a screen. He will do 9 hours without moving, no food, no drink and no going to the bathroom. The inactivity makes him argumentative and the animals avoid him. His face gles gaunt and his eyes hard and his default setting is lying. He is unable to control his on line spending, this month he has spent £179 on iTunes and when restricted from his studio and screen watching during the day £200 + on data roaming on his phone. 

As he has got older he has got harder to understand and help, he protests that he is an adult and should be allowed responsibility but he takes no responsibility for his actions. It is our fault he spent the money on data roaming as we restricted his use of our network, it is our fault that he spends so much on iTunes because we won't let hIm have Netflix on his telly. He is a good little bass player and in a band ( as is my husband) he likes being on stage and dressing like a rock god but he doesn't like practising so he does make mistakes but it is the bass not liking him or the drummer out of time. The lies and blame shifting are never ending and I am finding this more recent characteristic extremely hard to live with. My sister in law tried to give us a break for a couple and H and her 2 teenage sons camp in her garden, once home again she phoned to see if he had 3 of her youngest sons DVD's, H swore blind he had Not seen them but they were sitting on his study floor in full view. His explanation was, eventually, that he wanted them and didn't think they would  notice. Sorry going to stop as there is so much.

As to what help, that wil be none. Adult social services will only get involved it he is in danger, the doctors can't help apperently as he has not got a mental health issue, family and friends can't help as they find him too hard or a bit scary. I fear for his future, I cannot see him ever being able to live alone and the future continueing like this ad infinitum well ...

Thanks for replying, I will try briefly to describe my son. We adopted him at rising 7, we were told he had learning difficulties. He was very small, size 18-24 month clothes, thick glasses for eye problems and cute. He would have 3 hour tantrums, wreck his bedroom and could be physically very challenging. After a long fight we eventually saw a psychiatrist ( through the adoption unit) who diagnosed ADHD. Medication helped and H said it helped shut off the voices. School was a nightmare but we all survived primary school (great head really cared). We moved him out of mainstream high school after a number of disasters and fought the LEA to fund a specialist school. 

The Psychiatrist saw H until he was 18 although she was children's services and he was out of her remit and in her hand over letter to our GP she dropped Aspergers into the mix. We then had a nightmare time trying g to get his medication, the GP said he couldn't prescribe and we couldn't get a psychiatrist. The Mental Health nurse took pity on us and said she could try for help based on the aspergers. H went to the aspergers East Anglia group meets for a few weeks and then said they had closed and he wouldn't go anymore. I did have many chats with them for guidance on how to help my son and they suggested his actions sounded very much like PDA and  gave me some really interesting reading. I did do an OU psychology degree when we couldn't get help as I thought if I understood then it might be easier. Nothing I read there sounded like H but he fitted completely with PDA, even H recognised himself in the leaflet. Leaflet in hand we again hassled our GP and eventually saw a psychiatrist who agreed with Aspergers but wouldn't be as specific as PDA as it was only just being recognised. He suggested anxiety tablets and these do help H is more able to do things, he has subsequently passed his driving test, been on a Prices Trust team builging course and is now a Music College and loving it. The problems are when he is not a college, he does nothing apart from sit in front of a screen. He will do 9 hours without moving, no food, no drink and no going to the bathroom. The inactivity makes him argumentative and the animals avoid him. His face gles gaunt and his eyes hard and his default setting is lying. He is unable to control his on line spending, this month he has spent £179 on iTunes and when restricted from his studio and screen watching during the day £200 + on data roaming on his phone. 

As he has got older he has got harder to understand and help, he protests that he is an adult and should be allowed responsibility but he takes no responsibility for his actions. It is our fault he spent the money on data roaming as we restricted his use of our network, it is our fault that he spends so much on iTunes because we won't let hIm have Netflix on his telly. He is a good little bass player and in a band ( as is my husband) he likes being on stage and dressing like a rock god but he doesn't like practising so he does make mistakes but it is the bass not liking him or the drummer out of time. The lies and blame shifting are never ending and I am finding this more recent characteristic extremely hard to live with. My sister in law tried to give us a break for a couple and H and her 2 teenage sons camp in her garden, once home again she phoned to see if he had 3 of her youngest sons DVD's, H swore blind he had Not seen them but they were sitting on his study floor in full view. His explanation was, eventually, that he wanted them and didn't think they would  notice. Sorry going to stop as there is so much.

As to what help, that wil be none. Adult social services will only get involved it he is in danger, the doctors can't help apperently as he has not got a mental health issue, family and friends can't help as they find him too hard or a bit scary. I fear for his future, I cannot see him ever being able to live alone and the future continueing like this ad infinitum well ...