Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi guys. Bare with me as not used to all this
I am the mother of a 16 year old son who was diagnosed at 7 with aspergers syndrome. He goes to a school specifically for autistic children and to be fair doing fantastic. He does not live with me as he has lived with his grandfather since he was 2 years old.
Reason I joined is because I have some concerns of myself. I have struggled all my life with making friends, keeping friends, allowing people I thought were my friends take advantage of me and I have always wondered why no matter where I am or go I struggle to make friends, I never approach anyone first, still don't to this day but when I finally do seem to make friends eventually something always goes sour.
I struggle to know what conversations are right, I maybe talk about the wrong things, things that maybe a best friend from all your life might find ok but someone you hardly know, But I do it to try make conversation as I struggle to make small talk. I come across rude if I try to make small chat with anyone.
Maybe I read things wrong but I get the impression in jobs many people avoid conversations with me. I work in a bar and I have no issues serving customers, brushing off unwanted remarks, etc but I struggle with small talk even then.
Don't get me wrong I want friends but feel I do something to cause issues. which of course makes me avoid making friends but that can get very lonely.
And then there is stupid things that make me feel nervous. I can not open cava bottles at work the pressure scares me and the pop sound freaks me out, same as balloons being popped I seriously get so scared I shake if someone does it near me I often have my fingers in my ears if colleagues have to pop them after a function at work. Sudden noises I wasnt expecting make me jump and then I am on edge. I get such a nervous stomache going new places I rarely do it alone. I have in the past suffered severe agoraphobia I never left the house during one of my pregnancys and my midwife came to my house to do checks and blood tests and a support worker took me to scans. I even had a private room when I gave birth because it was so bad.
If I can not feel in control of something and it is the unknown I am not comfortable. My GP diagnosed deppression 2 year ago stuck me on anti Ds and that was that. I took one was extremely sensitive to it I was collapsed on the bathroom floor and next day I called GP and they brushed it off said I was being silly and I have not seen anyone since.
I actually feel at a loss but the more I have researched for my son the more I think could some factors also be me. I have been with my fiance 9 years and still feel socially awkward round him I try to push him away like I have done all other relationships in the past.
I cant talk to anyone about it I have no one I am close to. My partner would say I am dramatising everything and my father would only look at how my son is and tell me I am nothing like him so I am again dramatising something as he is right there is many differences between me and my son. Maybe they would be right.
Sorry for the long winded what was meant to be a greeting and just blurting it all out I kind of wrote as things came into my mind. I really am at a loss of what I should to, where to turn or just to carry on as I am.
Welcome to the club! The test is quite reliable but not the same as a proper diagnosis. Some people have found their doctor take it more seriously when presented with the results of the test.
Gastro intestinal problems are common amongst sufferers. There are no clear connections - stress and anxiety can cause IBS, there are some suggestions that sensitive intestines can cause autistic symptoms. Either way you may benefit from checking out your diet for allergies or intolerances.
There is no cure for Aspergers and your GP may not jump into action unless you can show that you have some serious issues that can be attributed to Aspergers. Not coping with work and being treated for anxiety or depression could get you a proper diagnosis. A common problem is that the communication problems that are part of the package, get in the way of persuading a doctor that we have problems. It is a good idea to write down a list of things that are problems and take this, with the online test and its score, to the doctor to make a better case. The fact that your son has been diagnosed should strengthen your case as there a genetic link is often present.
People with Aspergers do not respond well to anti depressives in that the drugs do not alleviate the depressive symptoms.
I did not know about the test but I did it and I am so shocked on the results. It indicated a strong possibility with the score.
To be fair I was thinking I was being dramatic myself as I used to be a raver and yet my son hates crowds. I am not comfortable in crowds of places I am not sure of but I loved dance music and would go alone yet meet with people I met off a forum for ravers/ clubbers who I barely new just because we liked the same music. It was always about the music, most were too out of it (on drugs) to hold conversations so I guess that always helped. I do enjoy going out but am always concious of people around me worried about what might happen next which makes me anxious when out. When I am anxious I get a really sensitive stomache so as I have got older this has got worse I have started to prefer to stay at home and become a bit of a recluse. I wont go shopping unless someone is with me but I am fine with my fiance or even my 7 year old daughter with me as I focus my attentions on them and not those around me.
I have always been sensitive with drugs even recreational ones due to my past I have tried things and it never agreed with me. Even alcohol does not agree with me I stick to alcopops and week cocktails which are mainly juice. Anything stronger my body wont tolerate. So yes it annoyed me when the doctors would not listen and I never did get a councellor appointment I was meant to. It was like they forgot about me. I went in really down, partner was worried as I literally was just wanting to run away from everything. I was in a job I couldnt cope with and the doctors pescribed pills, said I would get counselling. Since the reaction which I found out also they put me on highest dose straight up most start lower I have had nothing back no councelling appointment, no check to make sure I am ok.
This makes me wonder wether it is worth seeking help and see if I do have something or if I should just carry on. I self manage my sensitive stomache as drs just pescribe pills thats it no checks to see if something underlying. Its like "here take these drugs we dont care what actually might be wrong with you!"
Marjorie195 said:If there is one thing I hate about the nt world, it is that they don't believe what I say. It is so frustrating.
If there is one thing I hate about the nt world, it is that they don't believe what I say. It is so frustrating.
If you could communicate better with the nt world then you would not have an ASD. :-)
This is a bit like Cassandra's curse of telling the truth but not being believed.
I wonder why it is that doctors never think of autism when they see patients?
I also wonder why doctors never believe patients who say they have bad reaction to drugs. Mine just assumes that I prefer not to take them and use this as an excuse. If there is one thing I hate about the nt world, it is that they don't believe what I say. It is so frustrating.
Hi khalee, you will find people here both listen and understand, welcome.
Hi Khaleesi81
Have you tried the free online test at aspergerstest.net/.../ ?
Sorry Keeps double posting
Thankyou
That does put my mind at rest.
There is a really understanding nurse at my GPs maybe she would know where I can start. Really dont want to see the DR I had last time as she was very dismissive of me after I had a severe reaction to meds wouldnt even try prescribe anything else.
Thanks.
This sounds just like me!!
I have two kids, one diagnosed with ASD and the other with asperger's and in doing research and seeing various specialists for the m over the years i can see some similarities with my own life so far.
I too have always had difficulties in keeping friends. These friendships would often break down because I felt that I had said something wrong and then couldn't face talking to that person again and anxiety got the better of me. I am begining to find (through facebook) that people that I knew 20 years ago wondered why I just disappeared but I still have not been able to pluck up the courage to meet up again.
I am lucky in that my family are very supportive and have encouraged me to persue a diagnosis for myself. Having been diagnosed with depression and put on anti D's for many months I decided to get an appointment with the local senior mental health nurse who suggsted I fill out a question sheet which indicated a high chance of an autistic spectrum disorder and made a referal for me to see a consultant (with a 12 month waiting list!).
You can't really compare how you display your own issues with that of yoour son as everybody is different but that does not mean that you are being over dramatic!!
Keep pressing for a resolution for yourself, I wish you every success!