any suggestions

Hi, I'm the father of three kids, two are on the spectrum, the eldest is 14. My wife and I are struggling to find a way to support him in finding his way through increasing school pressure, adolescence and independance. Whilst he pushes for more freedom, he needs daily reminders to perform basic domestic tasks our ten year old picked up a long time ago. We swing from overseeing everything to putting it in his hands, neither approach sees much progress. He's hard on himself and we don't want to contribute to his lack of esteem, at the same time we know how important it is for him to stand on his own feet.

I'd welcome contact from anyone who recognises the dilema. We're tired and running out of new ideas.