any suggestions

Hi,

Thank you for your kind words, It's nice to know when you are of some help.

To tell you the truth I've found some of the most profound or even simple solutions have come from strangers, rather than close friends and family. Odd that really.

Re: Adversity, I think I 've been both crushed and made. Sadly, not in equal quantities. Yet you hope that their is a lesson of some kind in every bad experience you endure.

People with ASD are often viewed as resiliant, personally I'm not sure that's always the case. It takes a strong individual not to be tainted by such tragedy, but as I'm not one of these, I can only conclude that my eternal optimism must stem from my childlike naivety. I always believe that others will treat me well, as I would them and so that's how I live my life.

For some reason, the sins of the father have a way of impacting on us, despite our best intentions. In my case, I can see why with the hereditory condition of ASD, however as a woman, I've also realized that we are way more vulnerable. Perhaps that's why so many more woman on the spectrum report they've experienced such a hard life.

When I was diagnosed, it all began to make sense. Up until that point I was at a loss to know why such things happened to me, now I realize, it's a relief of sorts. I have the missing part of the puzzle. It's not because I'm a usless human-being; as I believed, but because I struggle to read intent and deciffer meaning from the most basic of communications. I've found comfort in knowing that i'm not a poor example of a human and that despite my difficulties, I do have something to offer and I am of worth. 

I've also relized, through research for my book, that ASD has a strong prevelence in both my parents family histories. My mother; God rest her, neglected me in my infancy and for years i couldn't understand why. Knowing what I know now, allows me to make peace with that childhood. It wasn't a deliberate callous act on her part, but a genetic condition she had no control over. She needed someone to care for her, not the other way around. She was highly intelegent, but could not manage daily living, a vulnerable woman herself. (Just like my sons) Back then, we knew less about ASD so she must have felt much the same as me growing up. Again with my father. Deeply shy or so everyone thought, but tortured by fear in everyday living.

Having suffered such dreadful self-esteem issues myself, it gives me great insight into my sons potential world. I work hard to ensure my boys know they are loved and to teach them as many life skills as they can manage, to help them toward independant living. As you can imagine I had no such support myself.  If I could do anything more for my boys, it would be to try and drive their self worth home and to help them realize their individual gifts.

I guess understanding the reasons for my parents failings has made forgiveness easier. Sadly, if the understanding of a parents failing by a child ever comes, it's often with the benefit of ones own life experiences and never in your youth, which leads to years of reproach.

Depression is a difficult dog. Still very much misunderstood and sadly still very much a taboo in some social circles. As with most things, few of us truely understand unless we are touched by it through someone we know or experience it ourselves.

Far from being a condition that should be ignored or kept under wraps, I think it is a very real indicator of the limits of humankind and should be listened to and acknowledged; both by the person suffering and those around them. Like the eczema that flairs up when we are stressed, we should learn to make it our friend.

Just as eczema is an outward display of internalised stress, so too is depression in my view. Perhaps too often in our modern lives we go down the course of putting cream on the symptom with no consderation to the cause? Just as with eczema, the symptom is never truely addressed, because we fail to remedy the stress that caused it in the first place. Putting cream on the skin rarely helps for long and in my experience you normally endure other unexpected side effects.

Coming to terms with my depression; or at least making it my friend, has meant confronting the cause. Not an easy journey. Actually, often really quite painful. Having confronted the cause and accepted my situation, I'm now working on trying to prevent those stresses from reoccuring in my life. I cannot say my dark days are over, and doubt and fear is always ever present in my life, but I will endevour to challenge them in a different way in the future.

I've spent half my life in the dark wondering why, and now I know why, I want to live the other half of my life differently. I've defined my worth, by others treatment of me, when I should have realized I deserved better. I no longer want to be vulnerable and a target to those of ill intent or of societies pressures. I need to do things at my pace and with regard to my well being. It's a tall order, and as with many that fear change, it's difficult to stop following the well rehersed mental patterns of behaviour i've lived with for so long, but I'm done with the cream remedy.

If I could offer any advice, it would be to make friends with your dog. 

You are very lucky to have such a supportive and generous spirit in your wife. Do cherish that. All too often, when things get bleak, we mourn what partners don't possess, rather than celebrate what they do. 

Before I sign off, I need to make it clear that i'm in no way professionally qualified in Psychology, Autism or any other field. I'm just a simple mum reflecting on life through my eyes and observations. I hope some of my ramblings are of use and thank you for your relections on lifes journey. It's always a comfort to know you are not alone.

Take care and do call out to the community anytime. They are a great support network.

Coogybear.

Hi,

Thank you for your kind words, It's nice to know when you are of some help.

To tell you the truth I've found some of the most profound or even simple solutions have come from strangers, rather than close friends and family. Odd that really.

Re: Adversity, I think I 've been both crushed and made. Sadly, not in equal quantities. Yet you hope that their is a lesson of some kind in every bad experience you endure.

People with ASD are often viewed as resiliant, personally I'm not sure that's always the case. It takes a strong individual not to be tainted by such tragedy, but as I'm not one of these, I can only conclude that my eternal optimism must stem from my childlike naivety. I always believe that others will treat me well, as I would them and so that's how I live my life.

For some reason, the sins of the father have a way of impacting on us, despite our best intentions. In my case, I can see why with the hereditory condition of ASD, however as a woman, I've also realized that we are way more vulnerable. Perhaps that's why so many more woman on the spectrum report they've experienced such a hard life.

When I was diagnosed, it all began to make sense. Up until that point I was at a loss to know why such things happened to me, now I realize, it's a relief of sorts. I have the missing part of the puzzle. It's not because I'm a usless human-being; as I believed, but because I struggle to read intent and deciffer meaning from the most basic of communications. I've found comfort in knowing that i'm not a poor example of a human and that despite my difficulties, I do have something to offer and I am of worth. 

I've also relized, through research for my book, that ASD has a strong prevelence in both my parents family histories. My mother; God rest her, neglected me in my infancy and for years i couldn't understand why. Knowing what I know now, allows me to make peace with that childhood. It wasn't a deliberate callous act on her part, but a genetic condition she had no control over. She needed someone to care for her, not the other way around. She was highly intelegent, but could not manage daily living, a vulnerable woman herself. (Just like my sons) Back then, we knew less about ASD so she must have felt much the same as me growing up. Again with my father. Deeply shy or so everyone thought, but tortured by fear in everyday living.

Having suffered such dreadful self-esteem issues myself, it gives me great insight into my sons potential world. I work hard to ensure my boys know they are loved and to teach them as many life skills as they can manage, to help them toward independant living. As you can imagine I had no such support myself.  If I could do anything more for my boys, it would be to try and drive their self worth home and to help them realize their individual gifts.

I guess understanding the reasons for my parents failings has made forgiveness easier. Sadly, if the understanding of a parents failing by a child ever comes, it's often with the benefit of ones own life experiences and never in your youth, which leads to years of reproach.

Depression is a difficult dog. Still very much misunderstood and sadly still very much a taboo in some social circles. As with most things, few of us truely understand unless we are touched by it through someone we know or experience it ourselves.

Far from being a condition that should be ignored or kept under wraps, I think it is a very real indicator of the limits of humankind and should be listened to and acknowledged; both by the person suffering and those around them. Like the eczema that flairs up when we are stressed, we should learn to make it our friend.

Just as eczema is an outward display of internalised stress, so too is depression in my view. Perhaps too often in our modern lives we go down the course of putting cream on the symptom with no consderation to the cause? Just as with eczema, the symptom is never truely addressed, because we fail to remedy the stress that caused it in the first place. Putting cream on the skin rarely helps for long and in my experience you normally endure other unexpected side effects.

Coming to terms with my depression; or at least making it my friend, has meant confronting the cause. Not an easy journey. Actually, often really quite painful. Having confronted the cause and accepted my situation, I'm now working on trying to prevent those stresses from reoccuring in my life. I cannot say my dark days are over, and doubt and fear is always ever present in my life, but I will endevour to challenge them in a different way in the future.

I've spent half my life in the dark wondering why, and now I know why, I want to live the other half of my life differently. I've defined my worth, by others treatment of me, when I should have realized I deserved better. I no longer want to be vulnerable and a target to those of ill intent or of societies pressures. I need to do things at my pace and with regard to my well being. It's a tall order, and as with many that fear change, it's difficult to stop following the well rehersed mental patterns of behaviour i've lived with for so long, but I'm done with the cream remedy.

If I could offer any advice, it would be to make friends with your dog. 

You are very lucky to have such a supportive and generous spirit in your wife. Do cherish that. All too often, when things get bleak, we mourn what partners don't possess, rather than celebrate what they do. 

Before I sign off, I need to make it clear that i'm in no way professionally qualified in Psychology, Autism or any other field. I'm just a simple mum reflecting on life through my eyes and observations. I hope some of my ramblings are of use and thank you for your relections on lifes journey. It's always a comfort to know you are not alone.

Take care and do call out to the community anytime. They are a great support network.

Coogybear.