Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I'm the father of three kids, two are on the spectrum, the eldest is 14. My wife and I are struggling to find a way to support him in finding his way through increasing school pressure, adolescence and independance. Whilst he pushes for more freedom, he needs daily reminders to perform basic domestic tasks our ten year old picked up a long time ago. We swing from overseeing everything to putting it in his hands, neither approach sees much progress. He's hard on himself and we don't want to contribute to his lack of esteem, at the same time we know how important it is for him to stand on his own feet.
I'd welcome contact from anyone who recognises the dilema. We're tired and running out of new ideas.
Hi Modal,
It sounds to me like you are doing a great job. Be kind to yourself.
I'm a late diagnosed ASD adult and my own worst critic when it comes to my kids, so I have some idea of how you feel. As parents of ASD children I believe we berate ourselves constantly and often it's not helpful. Sometimes I think that my understanding of my childs condition is that much more profound because I'm a sufferer myself. The advantage of this is being able to see the direction they are heading at times. The downside is that you often feel; with very real emotion, the level of their pain when they get it wrong. I've been their and brought the t-shirt so-to speak. The best advice I can give is to reassure him that it's ok to get it wrong.
Humour is also a great leveler. You may find this link helpful.
www.youtube.com/watch
Take a deep breath and let the anxiety go.
I'm not sure what your sons favorite interests are, but it seems he has a flair (like many with ASD) for computers or gaming. It maybe that in his future he will come to have a career in that field, but for now he's learning his limits.
My sons both have night issues. One gets up and raids the fridge, the other has night terrors and a diagnosed sleep disorder. This makes mornings a real challenge and sleep deprivation a daily battle.
Now the latter is in the relms of the working world we have had to look at ways of adjusting to those difficulties. As he has also had problems finding work, he now works as self-employed. This allows him to choose his hours and manage his own time to reduce overload and meltdown.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that their is always a solution and opotunities will present themslves if you think outside the box.
Your son is a typical teenager in many ways. Pushing the boundries as most do, but he is also a teenager with ASD and that is always going to more challenging. My sons support worker calls it Teenage Plus!
NT's rarely understand the level of support needed to bring up and support an ASD child. It is a real roller coaster, but tommorrow is a new day and we get on with it.
Keep the faith and know that many parents like you are here with a good understanding of whats it's like to be a parent of a child with ASD and with many ideas to share on the various stages of life.
Thoughts and prayers to you and yours.
Good luck
Coogybear