Published on 12, July, 2020
Hey there people. New here, im a guy in his thirties and similiar to some of you- ive recently been diagnosed with having AS on a high-scale at a later age (wasnt recognised when i was growing up, just put down to being shy and quiet as i was capable of speech, could read and write to a good standard in Maths and English and had an understanding of things)- just waiting on letter to my doc and through the post to give details of it officially.
Only people that know is my wife, and her family and some of my family- its not something ive felt comfortable about telling work colleagues or friends or acquantinces (<<<sp??) yet as i guess im not sure how to go about doing it, what it even is and what it means for me and i also i dont feel like they need to know.
In respect to the "not sure how to go about doing it"- its more to do with understanding it myself and explaining it clearly, short and to the point and not bogging the other person down in the detail and trying not make myself look like a fool as there is a lot of ignorance surrounding the subject in modern media and even the net.
(Once i had an experience recently whereby Aspergers came about in a conversation and jeezo, it was shot down, people of average intelliegence and of sound mature age (40s) turned around and said it was a joke, it didnt exist in their days (-of course it has always been around, except now it has a name, and is easier and better recognised!! )and they think that its just some way for people to get out of working (on sickness/ disability)- believing it was a disease ie can be be "fixed" or "temporary" or even questioning: how do you get it? (I swear this came up, like they thot it was like getting the sickness bug or the common cold...!!))- this reaction really made me not want to share that i was suspected of having it (at the time. before i was diagnosed), as i know a lot of people have this view, having little to no understanding of it.
So, after finding this community in my local library search, i opted to join and share with like minded people, expand my own knowledge from others experiences, good and bad and share my own and accept myself more. Learning my own ticks and when my threshold is being pushed and either trying to recede the information imput or taking myself away from the circumstance.
The diagnosis was a little upsetting, as i always wanted to be decent with little to no faults (im hardly ever ill and im as fit and strong, i eat and drink healthily, i can read and write and i have a full time job (means to an end) and im married). Now i discover that there is a reason why i really struggle with people socially, avoid socialising and why i react or do things different to others (<<the NeuroTypical types: average joes)- so its a fault in a sense but not one i can help (just be more aware of), have always had, i can now manage to a degree (hopefully).
My wife was the one who pushed for me to get diagnosed as i was seeing doctors (psychologists and anger management nurses etc) for years (never took any medication- didnt want it, wanted to deal with my issues myself, not rely on some drug) and nothing was improving. A lot of the advice i was being given either didnt work for me and in some cases just backfired and made things more difficult and made me more angry.
My wife always noticed there was something different about me and was surprised doctors hadnt noticed this about me too, even when i first met her, she thot i was a different, nice but unusual (lack of eye contact, saying inappropriate things to her about her appearance or not getting social cues- go figure she was one of the few people who didnt get offended by me, just found it interesting)- guess docs dont want to just give out these suspicions in-case it offends the patient... or cant be bothered with the hassle...
Often id tell her situations involving other people and she would explain why the person reacted the way they did (often negative either subtley or sometimes more forceful), and being naive i was taken aback as often my intention was purely innocent but to other person i came across flirty, or aggressive or defensive or not-interested etc.
So finally we have an answer as to why things are the way they are for me, and finding out what my triggers are.
So im going to browse about, comment here and there, make topics and see how things go. Sharing and getting to know some of how things can and have gone for people with AS of all ages.
See you around.
Thanks for reading and taking out to reply, -StateofIndependance- and -Marjorie195-.
Glad you did correct that person, StateofIndependance, hope you did it as tactfully as you could without causing offense (something i am hopeless at, i just say how it is, barely taking into consideration the other persons feelings, just noting that they are saying something offensive and it causes me ill-will and i want to make it right and get back at them- or i do nothing and seeth inside).
Its been suggested to me to let more people know, so they will better understand the way i am with things and my reactions- but i dont think im ready, as im still accepting the idea myself and like i said before, want to be clear in what it is i am sharing- im not worried about people avoiding me, as i dont have a need for peoples company (if anything i do a lot to avoid it)- its more the idea of giving them something more to mock or laugh about.
Theres the view that they may become really understanding and appreciative of this new fact about me (the idea that im sharing something about myself, as im like a closed book to people) and it welcomes them in. They could be more understanding and be less quick to judge or not so quick to sneer at my behaviours or attitudes (they shouldnt in the first place, but people will be people- and i do have a negative attitude and thats not fun to be around...).
Then theres the negative view, which is what im far more used to.
I will wait a bit, learn more about it, strategies and such then i will gradually start to open up to people more.
Yeah, i knew what the person that spoke ill of Aspergers was saying was completely wrong, but at same time i wasnt all too sure of it myself to defend it either. In saying that i also didnt want to expose that i may have it (at the time before diagnosis) and also i didnt want to fall out with the person.
His negative attitude towards it also threw me off, and when he made it out to be an illness or like breaking an arm (ie something that is damaged and can be fixed later with time)- i lost focus of that point and was taking in all of his so-called information. Only later did it occur to me that he was completely wrong and he didnt understand that it wasnt something curable, or something you could catch, but that it was something that you are born with, not something you can develop-
Now though, if it comes up in conversation, i will comfortably defend it and help people gain a better understanding of it.
@Marjorie195= my daignosis was just recently, and like you i have gone through nearly 30 years of my life being ignorant of having AS.
My wife just always knew i did or said things differently from other people.
For some reason the system failed me in that regard- Teachers, Social Workers, Foster Carers, GP's, Medical Nurses, Family and the sorts just never recognised it at all- i mean they would often comment on odd things i said or did, but just put it down to upbringing, social life (lack of) and things, but none of them seemed to see what i had. I had doctors laugh at me when i would say something that to me made sense, but to them was very abstract and wierd, but still nothing was taken from it- just that i had a different way of looking at things.
A lot of those situations i said i would mention to my wife, she would tell me was odd for this or that reason, well i had been doing that for years before i got with her. Only now do they make sense as to the backlash i got from others before.
Its an interesting experience now, having a diagnosis and making sense of things, rather than just thinking (or not thinking) that im this mad ball of pent up thoughts.