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Diagnosed at 27 and struggling

jjtx

Hello! I’m Jodie and I was diagnosed with Autism at 27. I have struggled with social skills and fitting in all my life and this helped me understand that. I am now 28 nearly 29 and seem to be struggling more than ever! I struggle massively with working, I work full time and it drains me so much, I cry on the way to work every morning because I am so anxious, the small talk, the masking, the environment, the recovery time - it’s all too much! I struggle with life in general, communicating, emotions, everything seems so hard every day and I don’t know where to turn! I am planning on applying for PIP and finding a part time job but due to living alone I have bills to pay. 

Is there anyone who is open for a chat or any advice? Or is this autistic life and I need to find out what works. 

Thanks 

Jodie Blush 

  • Hello.

    28 was one of times things went wrong for me. It seems late 20's or 30'ish is when it seems hard. You think life should be going well, but it doesn't feel like it is, and progress seems hard and slow, or just elusive.

    The best advice I can give, is to

    1. stop trying too hard, don't feel guilty for relaxing or spending days doing nothing,
    2. try not to feel bad about being upset, it's fine,
    3. try to stop worrying about not being good enough, just do what you can, you don't need to do more than others, you are good enough as you are,
    4. try to stop thinking about work when you are not there, they are not paying you for that,
    5. try to find a way to relax in the evening,
    6. try to make sure you sleep properly, I know this is the hardest, but it affects everything,
    7. try not to replay conversations, most people don't focus on the words as much as you think, talk is for bonding and socialising, but for the content. Strangely, the more relaxed you are, the more natural you are, and the better you fit in. Trying to fit in doesn't work as well as you might think.
    8. emotions are hard, try to notice what you feel, but don't feel good or bad, just note it, note that it passes. Things which feel super important at one point are much less important after you sleep or when relaxed, which is normal. You are not broken.
    9. You can do it. Don't give up, you are doing well, better than you probably think. Try not to compare yourself to others. Consider what is working and it is probably better than you think. The mind focuses on the negatives or things that are missing, not on what going well.
    10. Life is not that easy though. Everybody struggles, some more than others, but you don't see it. Don't assume you are doing so badly. You just need to ease up a bit.
    11. Remember to take days off 
    12. Try to get out, I know public spaces can be more risky these days on your own, but maybe museums, national trust places, it somewhere with some land or space or quiet, that is not home.

    Some of this may not make sense, or feel impossible to do. It may take time.

    If I'd told myself this at the time I probably would have pushed back it ignored it.

  • Hi jjtx,

    I am very sorry to hear about how you feel. I am sure like Ann lots of members will send messages of support and help. In the meantime I can direct you to our advice and guidance pages. I hope something there helps. 

    Firstly, 

    Mental health help with some strategies. Please find the link here:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/mental-health-and-wellbeing/mental-wellbeing

    Behaviour - which has some useful advice on organising and prioritising. 

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/behaviour

    And lastly, 

    formal support after diagnosis

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/diagnosis/after-diagnosis/formal-support-following-an-autism-diagnosis

    I really hope something there helps.

    Wish best wishes, 

    Anna Mod

  • Hi Jodie, I'm 29 and I am autistic- like you I was relatively late diagnosed at 25. I can relate to a lot of what you mention - I am currently struggling a lot with my health and with working - I am currently doing a PhD but am seriously considering quitting. I think it is good you are looking into ways to reduce the workload. I sacrificed my health for years for my work and it's just not worth it. It's so hard to accept and I always feel that if others can do it why can't I but I think being autistic can make things more challenging. I haven't manage to take the step yet where I prioritise my wellbeing but I am working on it. It's very hard to make these things work in practice- like you say there are all kinds of considerations including financially. I can also relate to not fitting in- I never fit in at school and only found some likeminded people at university and in some of the labs I worked in but in my current workplace I don't have anyone I connect to. It's really hard, but there are likeminded people out there- it can just be really hard to find them but they exist and making friends with them is easy. I don't really have much advice. I just want you to know that you are not alone. Best, Ann