Introduction - dropping the mask

My apologies for not being able to offer more helpful advice. However, I wanted to note that I can relate to this. I seem to be in a similar situation where, although I am trying everything I can, I seem to be slowly declining into burnout, but unable to accept it. I seem to become more rigid in my thinking and push on even more, the more worn-down I get. 

I have found that being in nature can help. I try to find a quiet place to just stand and be still for a bit. This can help sometimes.

I sincerely wish you all the best for recovery Coolbanana. 

My wife is understanding, but still can get upset when I don't want to spend time with her. It's hard ftoo. I like being alone, but I don't want I be lonely. Confusing, to say the least. 

Hi coolbanana sorry to hear this. I’m 48 female and just been diagnosed today. I’d be interested to know when you got your diagnosis. I’ve been experiencing extreme burnout and have felt all of these things. I used to worked as a business lecturer and did many amazing things. Now I can just about think straight and handle small tasks. In the last few days I’ve kind of found a switch that has allowed me to stop fighting in a sense. Fighting the need to have to function, do the career, do the tasks, jobs activities. What I’m trying to say is to let go and just be. Accept that this is OK and it won’t last forever. Slowing down, recovering and jumping off the hamster wheel is all fine if you need to do it. This might all sound a bit far out and this really isn’t like me at all but once you do take the pressure off yourself a bit it helps in all other areas. Find a good integrative counselor too if you want to go down that road. Wishing you all the best

Hello, I’m loving your reply as I can relate to every word of what you’ve just said. I wanted to jump on your reply and say all of the things your doing have helped me too so maybe they would help coolbanana Talking therapies didn’t help me either, but you could try and find an integrative counselor. She worked wonders with me as it’s all about recognizing the feelings in your body. And when you do you recognize these feelings, there’s all sorts of stuff going on in there which don’t present themselves on the outside or in a neurotypical way. Wishing us all peace and healing as burnout is truly awful, but absolutely second this post PeteDangerous Meditation has also saved me from absolute tiresome despair and anxiety. 

Hey Cool Banana. I'm in the same boat right now. 44 and recently diagnosed ADHD and ASD. I'm exhausted, burnt out and my nervous system is in a constant state of dysregulation. I live alone and can just about feed myself at the moment. I've worked in law firms for 24 years, had an active social life, was an avid rock climber, musician and had several amazing relationships. Right now all I can manage is meditation in a dimmed room, sleeping and sometimes an audio book or TV. I've had problems for years and did a lot of research before it got to this point so luckily I have a deep knowledge of what's happening otherwise it'd be really scary. It's a fight. The ASD wants low stimulation and the ADHD wants stimulation. Sometimes even watching TV is overwhelming. I have to watch stuff I've seen before as I can't follow a storyline. Even audiobooks are overwhelming some days, just hearing people voices. I think I really got rock bottom on Monday after several days of deep meditation. I calmed myself so much, my body had very little cortisol and adrenaline in it, which was great, but that's all my body was running on and without them it was a horrible day but maybe necessary. I was worrying a lot before about getting back to normal but I know that wasn't good for me so i will need to love life differently in the future but for the moment I'm on completed survival mode. I'm tuning into my body and getting not to overthink, which is hard but the meditation is helping. I have to wait another 10 months for ADHD medication. I'm trying to work out what sits at the root of my problems but it seems to be a mixture. I did start with a psychologist but I didn't have confidence in her and she's bailed on me anyway. I'll be looking for a somatic therapist next as the talking therapies aren't doing the job. I think learning to understand body feelings is vital to making progress. 

I have literally have stripped back to the bare bones. I do as little as possible. I'm off work, I've dropped everything non essential and my day is built around survival. Joining appropriate channels on YouTube and insta has helped me understand what's happening has been a huge comfort. I have tools to help me cope with the overwhelm and dysregulation and I'm lucky I have support from work and family/friends. I've taken as much pressure off as possible for the moment so no plans for anything at all. I do what I can, when I can. I've been contacted by the emergency mental health crisis team for the days when I can't cope and I may need help and I've made a list of the things I can do if I have any capacity.

The most helpful knowledge I've gained is regarding overwhelm/nervous system regulation. I've learned about polyvagal theory and some somatic practices. How to read the feeling on my body, what they mean and the action I need to take. Pushing through can make things a lots worse so be kind to yourself and after so many years of helping others, make yourself the priority. No shame. Do what you need, when you need it. Take the time to rest and learn what's good for you no and what in the past was you trying to be neuro typical. There are resources on how to drop the mask, which takes time to learn. Find activities which are calming for your nervous system and not overwhelming and try and learn who you really are.

I think I've almost written a book there. Sorry. I've been on my own for a while and got carried away. 

I learnt this time around that pushing myself was the worst thing to do and had to learn patience to do very little. I even found most TV was too noisy. I did find as I had strength it helped to read a story when I had enough energy. This helped me to relax. 

I wish you well and take everything in small steps. It is hard to be in that place and imagine things improving, but it can with rest and one day when you start to see things are improving, you can begin to start thinking of a new way of living where you pace yourself. 

Thank-you for the supportive reply, Homebird. And others. I feel just a bit less alone.

Yes, I am off work. I've always been one to push through, but I had little say in the matter this time round. Do something you enjoy, people tell me. Honestly, I'm not sure what I enjoy anymore. Or who I am, for that matter. I was just what I thought others expected. Since I was a child.

I'm not entirely sure why it's all happening now at 52. But I suspect it's as simple as it can. My wife isn't going anywhere. I've a secure job. My kids are mostly grown up. I'm not going to starve or be without a roof over my head. No pressing crisis to deal with. And I'm not going back to addiction. So here I am. My work has become central to my identity. But even typing an email or speaking about that causes me to start to twitch and my mind spin.

Some time ago I attended a mindfulness session with a colleague from work. I remember asking the teacher if relaxing would mean my losing my edge. Everyone laughed, as they throught I was joking. I wasn't.

As for medical help, it's not been a lot of help tbh. No, I'm not suicidal. And no, I don't feel depressed. I'm exhausted. And I know I look fine. I've spent decades honing that ability. I've made a living out of it, truth be told. But I simply can't do it any more. I can hardly get out of bed. It's hard because the people in my orbit knew someone who wasn't me. Which doesn't make a lot of sense. But it's real.

Thank-you for sharing.

Welcome. It is good you will be getting medical advice.

In respect of burnout, I have worked most of my life and most of those jobs have involved challenge and working with people. I now only have contact by phone or email. I am in my sixties and as time has gone on I have found things difficult.

In recent years I have had to take time off work for long periods three times due to burnout. Each time felt more difficult than the last. I was not sure last time if I could even return to work. The exhaustion was so great at the beginning that it was difficult to get out of bed and do almost everything. I am fortunate to have a partner who filled in the gaps at the start. After I had been off for a while I felt I may be able to return with some adjustments. It is early days for me and I am on a phased return and trying not to go beyond my limits.

I do feel that my difficulties now are as a result of having to put a lot of effort into doing the same as others do. 

I am not sure if you are currently off work. If not time off would give you time to consider your options.

As a late comer to understanding my own situation I sympathize with your exhaustion. I constantly find the pressure when others are around me and love being alone, but with a wife and kids I'm not alone much. I find myself so full of adrenaline and I'm so tightly wound that I need to find ways to release that pent up energy. 

I didn't pick it myself, it was my wife. And there has been a lot of trial and error finding things that work for the both of us. As you can imagine, I don't want to just leave for a day when I'm feeling stressed out. Still not there after 12 months, but with more understanding comes a better life (although there are still struggles). 

It sounds as though you might need to find the things that energize you. Maybe walks, specific times of the day when you can be alone. Places like this are good for help. Other mens groups. I've found a few helpful resources over time too which I'd be happy to share.

Good luck!

Dear coolbanana,

Welcome to the online community, it is really great to have you here. Thank you for sharing some of your experiences, hopefully some of our other members may be able to relate to this and feel less alone. I am also sorry to hear that it has been difficult and that your health is suffering. If you need to reach out to support from your GP it can be helpful to take in some notes of how you have been feeling and the symptoms you are having. 

Whilst we wait for other members of the community to offer some of their experiences, I thought it may be helpful to signpost you to some of our advice and guidance pages:
Autistic fatigue and burnout

Masking

I hope some of this helps.

Warmest wishes,

Olivia Mod

Welcome