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Hello! Daughter got diagnosed today

Nat1930

Hi 

just introducting myself here as I just found out my 10 years old daughter is Autistic but I had a feeling since she was a toddler that she was neurodiverse.

I was very upset this morning as I was hoping I was wrong… however I have changed my outlook - I can work on my relationship understanding my daughter more and help her to be positive individual. It is emotional dyregulation / social skills she struggles with. 

My question is that should I tell her now (she is doing okay/ happy / not realising she is different although she struggles to make friends esp girls - she got lot of friends (boys) or wait till she is struggling emotionally? I don’t want her to feel different ( I mean in a nice way) 

Any books recommendations I should look at ? 

Thanks 

from a new proud mum of autistic daughter 

  • Was your daughter not involved in the assessment process? How was the assessment done? Have you talked to her about autism at all? Does she have anyone in her class who is autistic? And do you know what understanding she has of autism?

  • Good morning from America!

    When it comes to telling your daughter, that’s a pretty tricky topic, but I can share my experience with that. I am Autistic man and one of my daughters (C, age 7) is also Autistic. We had it diagnosed when she was around 5 years old. Same as your daughter, it was more about social/emotional regulation. We waited a while before telling her, but our approach was to introduce her to Autistic people. Bruno from Thomas & Friends All Engines Go is a great example of an Autistic cartoon character that is actually a positive role model (though that example might be a bit too young for your daughter…). I also introduced her to the idea of famous people with Autism like Anthony Hopkins and Greta Thunberg. Then I told C that I have Autism and explained how it affects me. After that, it wasn’t a huge shock to her that she had Autism. In fact, C announced one day “I think I have Autism, too, Dada!” And we were like, yeah, that’s right.

    So we had a pretty gradual approach to it, which I think eased her into the idea pretty well. I think the important thing is to make your daughter recognize that people can grow up to be great individuals regardless of the diagnosis. It does NOT mean she’s going to be friendless and inept when she grows up, which I imagine would be the big fear for someone your daughter’s age.

    I hope that helps! I’m glad to hear you’re proud of your daughter’s diagnosis!

  • Welcome to the community!

    Nat1930 said:
    Any books recommendations I should look at ? 

    There are a few to consider:

    Social Skills Groups for Children And Adolescents With Asperger's Syndrome - A Step-by-step Program - Kim Kiker Painter (2008)
    ISBN 1843108216

    The Spectrum Girl's Survival Guide, How to Grow Up Awesome and Autistic - Siena Castellon (2020)
    ISBN 9781787751835

    Aspergirls - empowering females with Asperger Syndrome - Rudy Simone (2012)
    ISBN 9781849058261

    Why Aren't Normal People Normal - A Girl's Survival Guide to Growing Up with Asperger Syndrome - Olley Edwards (2013)
    no ISBN given

    Women and Girls with Autism Spectrum Disorder, Understanding Life Experiences from Early Childhood to Old Age - Sarah Hendrickx, Judith Gould (2015)
    ISBN 978 1 84905 547 5

    For you:

    Asperger's Syndrome - A Guide to Helping Your Child Thrive at Home and at School - Melinda Docter, Ed.D._ Syed Naqvi, MD (2010)
    ISBN 9780470140147

    The Loving Push - How Parents and Professionals Can Help Spectrum Kids Become Successful Adults - Debra Moore, PhD, Temple Grandin, PhD (2016)
    ISBN 978194176520

    Note that Aspergers was the term used for high functioning autism until 2013.

    I would suggest reading the reviews of the books on Amazon or similar and decide which feel suitable for you.

    Good luck.