Hello! Daughter got diagnosed today

pizzaburgers for me!!! all the best to your son :-)

do you reckon that not having a name for it would stop teenagers being horrors InterTrails ?

I appreciate risks and benefits - your concern regarding labeling and social stigmatisation noted.

In the other hand social understanding has to start somewhere for all parties.

Like a lot of things not what is done but how it is done most important here.

For this reason Nat1930 researching and taking a steady, naturally caring approach to whatever choice is made seems to make most sense perhaps.

This is a really good way to help, it sounds like a lot has moved on in recent years in education and helping people understand themselves it’s good to know there is positive support at school now 

Well done for changing your outlook.

In reply to your question about whether to tell her now or wait until she is struggling emotionally I would pose a question to you.

If your family home was next to a canal would you wait until your daughter had fell in and was in difficulties before helping her learn how to swim?

I appreciate that you don't want her to feel different however I reflect upon a childhood knowing I was different even tho' I didn't have a name or reason for it - I regret this.

My daughters worked out for herself themselves as probably autistic in early adulthood - before I got my own diagnosis!  Could have saved a bit of grief had they not have to work it out for themselves I believe.

They're smart and that helps - as does a loving family - for this reason I reckon you and yours will be OK too

Best wishes

I hope your son finds the book enjoyable and useful.

I don’t recall seeing a thread for book reviews here, so perhaps you might start one? If your son were to do a review, you could possibly post it on the thread for him, if that isn’t against the over 18 rules? 

I just decided to get it, as if it's any use to him it'll be worth it -and he loves his kindle so probably more likely to read it on there. 

It's made me think, with Iain's list, if there is a thread for book reviews? Could post book titles on it, and people could say if it was helpful to them?

Yeah it does make it easier to talk to them about it if they have been struggling in an area, as they already know they are different and don't know why, it can make them feel okay about it.

My son too is more obvious with his struggles as they relate to school work more -he did have social problems but as his interest is gaming, in the last few years finally meant he's more socially accepted now, though high school will be difficult.

Yes, £5.99 for the kindle and £10.11 for the paperback. I like the way you can get a sample of many books on kindle, even if you end up buying the paperback. 

Oh, they have it on kindle too.

Thank you for this - it is very helpful to know all of this. 

A young relative of mine really enjoyed this book and continues to dip into it on a regular basis. It takes a positive approach to autism and In my opinion, it is the best book there is. The 5* reviews would suggest this could be true.

It is tricky - especially if she’s not had any hints that she may be autistic. In some ways I think if this is totally new to her it might be worth leaving it a little while while you start introducing the idea of autism in some way - but isn’t it possible/likely that the staff who work with your daughter are going to mention it when they’re with her? You don’t want her to hear it from someone else. If she’s 10 years old and she’s bright surely she’s going to suss it out anyway? Are you in the uk? In the uk autism is talked about so much in school and I’d be surprised if she’s not going to have it openly mentioned to her by school staff. I think the high functioning thing can be misleading - because being very capable in one area doesn’t mean that the difficulties aren’t very profound in other ways. 

This sounds great. This is the approach we took when my youngest was approaching being diagnosed - we emphasised in multiple ways how being different is in many ways a positive thing, we focused on all his wonderful qualities and also on how having a greater understanding of what helps a person helps them to get the help they need - which makes life easier. I think the key thing is to start laying the groundwork before the diagnosis actually happens. We were doing this for at least 2 years before he got the official diagnosis.  He already knew he was ‘different’ though - because he developed Selective Mutism on starting school. 

Nat1930 said:

Would that be high functioning autism (Asperger’s?)  

So not everyone seems to agree on how to classify it, but you’re correct. “High-functioning” works well, though some say it’s a little demeaning towards those with higher support needs. Aspergers is generally not used anymore, as the disorder has been included in the overall diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder and the guy it’s named after has been found out to have been a supporter of a certain terrible regime during WWII. I’ve also heard “level 1 Autism” as a classification, but there’s often contention with that, too.

I have found that the safest way to classify it is “low support Autism”. Everyone with Autism needs support, but some need more than others.

My son just got diagnosed today too, he's 11. At our meeting he was there and they told him directly, and they were pretty good with how they approached the subject -talked about needing different people in the world and everyone is different, some people think differently and are better at some things than others. I highlighted some stuff he's really good at! They made sure he was okay and could ask questions (he didn't obviously), but he has a follow up appointment too which I thought was helpful -having structured points to talk about it might help in the future as a family thing I was thinking, a certain time he knows I'll ask (routine and structure are good). Plus we have a system were we have post it note conversations, I throw in lots of silly things to make it fun (like do you prefer burgers or pizza?) and we also ask deeper questions. Gives him a safe space to ask things if he wants to that can be difficult to say out loud, especially if your autistic. 

I was diagnosed a couple of weeks ago, so I had a way of talking about it and normalising it too before hand. All this makes it sound like I know what I'm doing but I really don't!

I am about to look at this book list and see what more I can do.

Thanks again - appreciated it- I’ll have a look at these

Thanks so much and i think it is important to be positive about Austin rather than being scared about it for my daughter. 

It is hard for us cos we don’t have a family history (I think me and my father have got autism but not sure though) we’ll have a think how to approach this to my daughter. 

thanks for your reply. 

Also I am researching and bought books to understand more about autism.

I told my daughter that she was going to have one to one meeting with a couple of adults and see how is she doing as i didn’t want to scare her and I wanted my daughter to be herself without anything in her head. 

I have not spoke to her about autism about it as there is no family history (however I am suspecting that myself / my father are autistic but we’ll cross that bridge another time as I want to focus on my daughter and how to support her) 

I know some parents of children with autism but they do not have same support needs as my daughter - one of them is AuADHD and the other is severe Autism. 

My daughter is fine with communication, motor skills but emotional / social skills is sometimes a bit difficult. Would that be high functioning autism (Asperger’s?)